tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72317169237545447272024-02-21T06:20:00.952-08:00My Year of TransformationBuilding a healthy life with veggies, sweat and laughter.Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-48635053142211510052013-09-09T20:53:00.000-07:002013-09-09T20:53:02.813-07:00Oh my aching. . .This getting healthy thing is a pain in the ass. Don't get me wrong, I want to do this, and I definitely need to do this, but I had kinda forgotten that it is actually a lot of work! It requires planning and forethought, not exactly my superpowers ( those tend to be more in the areas of BS detecting and identifying the sketch factor in the boyfriends of the lovely women I work with. But I digress. . .)<br />
<br />
Case in point, I now have to actually THINK about what food I put in my mouth - no more random snacks and mindless ( and carefree!) eating. I also have to find the appropriate balance between being mindful and being a crazy psycho woman who is addicted to the food tracker on my crapberry. There IS a happy medium, I am sure of it. Now to find it. . .<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYrxa7hqfOkH_ooVGjxzC8TeaI-ninnwu8sLWrFM5volgYl1DXHP5J4A0Mr2NvCUCvJCsdvExHaH30Stf_fbdOf8agvR9XXNeGd_m50d-qf5kro0t4qalDurvrArcTDMo4nh3_g5p9VLQ/s1600/food+for+thought.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="379" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYrxa7hqfOkH_ooVGjxzC8TeaI-ninnwu8sLWrFM5volgYl1DXHP5J4A0Mr2NvCUCvJCsdvExHaH30Stf_fbdOf8agvR9XXNeGd_m50d-qf5kro0t4qalDurvrArcTDMo4nh3_g5p9VLQ/s400/food+for+thought.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I also am back to packing my lunch, rather than using the "I don't have a lunch" excuse to eat those tasty treats of the devil known as french fries. This also means I have to actually THINK (there's that word again!) about what I want for lunch and prepare it in advance! No more excuses. Sigh.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLCQRBNX4A9POSuphwAh8ghxG7FX_9qRDnbdvPXZceGsRE366VEEFz2QTo34W5sXZQI1PnXqgUy-wXhldrXS3BYX7Wv2XtHsqvEDwwvWiGPqtmSp-GX8SwgglgqsV57Adm7Z5SNgOmob4/s1600/healthy+lunch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLCQRBNX4A9POSuphwAh8ghxG7FX_9qRDnbdvPXZceGsRE366VEEFz2QTo34W5sXZQI1PnXqgUy-wXhldrXS3BYX7Wv2XtHsqvEDwwvWiGPqtmSp-GX8SwgglgqsV57Adm7Z5SNgOmob4/s400/healthy+lunch.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
And then there is the little thing called exercise - in my cutesy moments I call it "Fitting in Fitness", which pretty much makes me want to throw up. I do need to figure out how to fit it in - so easy to give it a pass at the end of the day and mornings are pretty challenging. I am currently walking at lunch. Grudgingly, very grudgingly. ( I am still pouting that I cannot run, but that is a story for another post. . you are welcome!)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcGNaErCkomYECQMTEy8oSjp6F2WQnrKCZitIowbxkYZp4DG-ztuVcCrJSA8KsCOAcnLRcWe2ieFqC4jYx1FG5xvmWdtXsD8AZI5qoI8_k3Du3TjPa1ItOx9uPHEM3xlwBLN75vFXZXjM/s1600/fitting+in+fitness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcGNaErCkomYECQMTEy8oSjp6F2WQnrKCZitIowbxkYZp4DG-ztuVcCrJSA8KsCOAcnLRcWe2ieFqC4jYx1FG5xvmWdtXsD8AZI5qoI8_k3Du3TjPa1ItOx9uPHEM3xlwBLN75vFXZXjM/s400/fitting+in+fitness.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I am slowly improving - not perfect by any stretch, but I am getting back in the rhythm of living a healthier lifestyle. Yes, it is indeed a pain in my rather large butt, however, it is always better to be sore from doing something, instead of nothing! At least that is my story, and I am sticking to it!<br />
<br />
Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-23879353036313118192013-09-03T16:29:00.000-07:002013-09-03T16:29:28.831-07:00Happy New Year. . .Fall is a time for new beginnings. The changing leaves, the start of school, the return to routine after a carefree summer - all of these signal a time of renewal for me, even more so that the actual new year, or even the newness of spring. I am need of a fresh start, and now is as good a time as any, and perhaps the perfect time.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_4yAjOpIun0_7Zmx_qUDtLjsR5ab8hbihn3We3WqzrA3DUgMrgEGSrn6xauxxIEatdBH4Zcp9CF_z_eG61wkve_vv-zcHKl99zhkDF0zR5ifSPL-VvtYWoIoVHt-aDs1iGZ_zVGYT_jo/s1600/fall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="269" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_4yAjOpIun0_7Zmx_qUDtLjsR5ab8hbihn3We3WqzrA3DUgMrgEGSrn6xauxxIEatdBH4Zcp9CF_z_eG61wkve_vv-zcHKl99zhkDF0zR5ifSPL-VvtYWoIoVHt-aDs1iGZ_zVGYT_jo/s400/fall.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I admit it, I have been struggling. Trying to stay positive, pretending not to notice how tight my clothes have become, how the effects of prednisone are revealing themselves in my ever expanding body, feeling defeated, and sore and tired. SO very tired. I hate feeling this way. I don't like pasting on a smile and pretending that things will all be well, when deep inside I feel as though they will never again be truly "well". I hate being that miserable, sorry for herself fat chick that doesn't exercise and eats to hide her feelings. Been there, done that. It's time for a change. A fresh start. Refocus.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbs6vKI4P745He6n5-QdYCKF6tXahAvedHnWKhAzqajFyHMhm_tKIe92fB2xSso0stXRIMqvLk-DqbSISKC98TnZBFSrBgn35zIcf_3TSdwAa3mnJMNeb1Iy3CC3ierHh1EAnTgkuwy50/s1600/eyeore.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbs6vKI4P745He6n5-QdYCKF6tXahAvedHnWKhAzqajFyHMhm_tKIe92fB2xSso0stXRIMqvLk-DqbSISKC98TnZBFSrBgn35zIcf_3TSdwAa3mnJMNeb1Iy3CC3ierHh1EAnTgkuwy50/s400/eyeore.jpg" width="392" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
So, I am back blogging. It is a start. It helps me stay focused on getting healthy. I talked with a dietitian today, who politely pointed out that I am clearly overeating, and that only some of the weight gain can be attributed to drugs. Damn her honesty! She is right, and helped me to identify areas that need changes, and we began to design a path to make that happen. Aquafit beckons. I need to pull up my (very!) big girl panties and join the old gals at the pool. And move a bit more everyday, even if I still hurt, even thought the multitude of medications I am taking (5 for RA, see below) aren't quite working just yet. They will. I have to trust that. And if they don't, I will have to try something else.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA7g4aiYdk6PnAzyNob1GEi-rfRhIqNnshb5yVCBj6z4DFzzPl_j_n_aL00ocNByZWYLLd9qGjbYHP48dDdYlv0m5dDCHtBSr2OvHchd3Ysqploc7z1U3ATmOCtbqgqg67zJadLhBK40g/s1600/drugs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA7g4aiYdk6PnAzyNob1GEi-rfRhIqNnshb5yVCBj6z4DFzzPl_j_n_aL00ocNByZWYLLd9qGjbYHP48dDdYlv0m5dDCHtBSr2OvHchd3Ysqploc7z1U3ATmOCtbqgqg67zJadLhBK40g/s400/drugs.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
So Happy New Year! Thanks for hanging in with me during the season of misery. Hopefully, my humour will return when I get my ass off the couch. Maybe you want to join me - a fresh start is always a good thing - a return to a fitness routine lost through the summer, or back to healthy eating after a summer of treats. Maybe you want to quit smoking - why wait til January? It is a new year today - let's start today. I will if you will.<br />
<br />
Now I am off to toast the New Year with a glass of something sparkling, that may or may not be champagne. I am not telling!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB7vAnxCMLjdUUHSX3XP54q7QlWAf2f-GDn_e8D3PPVWW_yy461wMDyyxmnMQCm8AT668KoSnPPavq8n6xvKmnQ6MJlzN2egI6LlBaXnGViwRp08apjXzGj0-kzpquRFrgzZm5XYnpLY0/s1600/happy+new+year.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB7vAnxCMLjdUUHSX3XP54q7QlWAf2f-GDn_e8D3PPVWW_yy461wMDyyxmnMQCm8AT668KoSnPPavq8n6xvKmnQ6MJlzN2egI6LlBaXnGViwRp08apjXzGj0-kzpquRFrgzZm5XYnpLY0/s400/happy+new+year.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-42092224872364177102013-07-03T11:10:00.003-07:002013-07-03T12:48:06.551-07:00Change is good, no really. . . It has been a very long while since I posted. Some of it is because I have just been busy and life has been full. But a big part has been about what do I say? I mean, this is supposed to be an inspirational blog that focuses on my journey to health. And I haven't been feeling particularly healthy, and I certainly don't think I am inspirational in any way. Especially lately.<br />
<br />
Change is a difficult thing. We say we want it, but when it comes right down to it, what we actually want is not real change at all. We want all the surface changes - skinnier thighs, flatter stomach, less wrinkles, a happier life. . . but the real change, the deep, life altering change that shakes us to the core and reminds us of all the things we have been running from - now that is the kind of change that often remains elusive.<br />
<br />
In May I was officially diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis - an autoimmune arthritis that is just not your grandma's arthritis. It affects not only joints, but internal organs and eyes, and causes fatigue that is so far past tired it is hard to imagine. I was not ready to hear it. Even though it was "expected", it still slammed me.<br />
And I was more than a little overwhelmed. Try completely pissed off, frustrated and indignant. After all - I had worked all of last year to "get healthy" - to lose some weight, to train for a half marathon, to feel good. And now this. The inevitable "why me?" crept in to my thoughts.<br />
<br />
I am a few months past that now. And although I can't answer "why me?", every day I am understanding more about myself, and this disease and what true health is. And it ain't about a flat belly ( although that would be super fantastic!)<br />
<br />
I have had to adjust my life - my priorities, my choices, balancing my energy and focusing on the things that are really important. I get too tired to waste time on crap that is not truly a priority. My awesome family, good friends, meaningful work, singing, coaching ball - these are the things that bring me joy and life and positive energy. So that is where I put my time now. I have learned to say "no" more often, and to put my feet up when I need to. I am relearning how to eat healthy and focus on moving my body, not to get skinnier, but rather to improve my well being. Despite the nasty drugs that make me pile on the weight I lost, and give me a lovely round moon face, I am trying to look at myself in a more holistic way, and to listen to my body. Change my thinking, change my focus. Real meaningful change that will actually improve my life and my health. It is good.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx6yKrZu1mXMBpra8YFwK7QDmQb4XFP_uEFJKpWUSuYDqbXvfPg4iKy6KfZnNY78YISScmIF6rEWNgYvTxiJSEV7K8ZfCFiQDOyjiUT6floR3169NnFANvhG1TaSzTBu-GEd9TOZZXD2g/s650/change-wordle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="154" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx6yKrZu1mXMBpra8YFwK7QDmQb4XFP_uEFJKpWUSuYDqbXvfPg4iKy6KfZnNY78YISScmIF6rEWNgYvTxiJSEV7K8ZfCFiQDOyjiUT6floR3169NnFANvhG1TaSzTBu-GEd9TOZZXD2g/s320/change-wordle.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I still get grumpy, I still wish I was training for a half marathon and not walking like an old lady and forcing myself to get to the pool and swim a lap or two. I still choose to eat things that are bad for me. But I am making healthy choices more often than unhealthy ones. It is a winding path. This too is good.<br />
<br />
So I have come to the conclusion that change is good - no really, it is. Life is good, too.<br />
And getting better each day.Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-46096642245676277862013-04-22T09:09:00.000-07:002013-04-22T09:09:29.311-07:00Adjusting my sails.It feels a bit like going to confession after a long while - "bless me it's been 3 weeks since my last blog post."<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It has been a while, and my last post was not super positive, so I am really struggling with how to be both authentic to what is going on, as well as not being such a Debbie Downer that no one will ever want to read my blog again! It is definitely not all doom and gloom, but things are different, and sometimes tough.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdGy5VM1VMZq-BmFQi78wsxDdSS5u_FYpXkI3AY3FfK3Q6H-wGWCxPBLglKX04quMBzRK_sSUqnkQf3RkE_Xcov82zgjJZJcCRDyCejTidu3hbXdzy8uH98q-QroLhrKDHBQMSUgP3UwM/s1600/winds.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdGy5VM1VMZq-BmFQi78wsxDdSS5u_FYpXkI3AY3FfK3Q6H-wGWCxPBLglKX04quMBzRK_sSUqnkQf3RkE_Xcov82zgjJZJcCRDyCejTidu3hbXdzy8uH98q-QroLhrKDHBQMSUgP3UwM/s320/winds.jpg" width="257" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
As you know from my last post, I am dealing with some kind of inflammatory arthritis - pretty sure that it is rheumatoid arthritis, but it needs to be confirmed by the rheumatologist (who I see in two weeks) . I have to say the last few weeks have been a bit tough, as I get to know my limitations and look at balance and rest and activity in a brand new way. Drugs help - and I am still somewhat inappropriately happy, as well as about 8 pounds heavier than I was a month ago ( thank you <a href="http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginfo/meds/a601102.html#side-effects" target="_blank">prednisone</a> - NOT)</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
My sweet husband has been away on sabbatical in the middle east for the last 3 weeks - he comes home on Friday. My awesome kids have been incredibly helpful, flexible and just plain fantastic. It has been tiring, but overall I think we have done well - and yes I know there are amazing people who single parent all the time and my hat is off to each of you - I have always been in awe of how you do what you do. For me, parenting alone, and adjusting to the limitations I have been experiencing lately, has been challenging and also an affirmation of my abilities as a parent - I do actually know what I am doing, and my kids didn't starve (a bonus since Mark does the cooking 90% of the time!). Add that to the positive list!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
On the not so positive list, I am having trouble adjusting to the limits that feeling as I do put on my life. My pain is pretty well managed with the prednisone, as is the swelling, but my pesky feet and ankles don't really appreciate walking, climbing stairs or standing around coaching fastball. The get cranky, and don't work as well as I would like. I also get tired when I get too stressed or do too much - even when too much is very little. This is really frustrating - even for someone like me who prefers to live life just this side of lazy. It means I must be very aware of my energy levels, and adjust both my activity and my expectations based on that.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You can guess that I don't really like doing that. I want to be able to maintain my somewhat crazy lifestyle - busy, full and chaotic. I can't stand not being able to do what I want, when I want, just because my body is saying no. But that is definitely the message - my body IS saying no, and like it or not I need to listen. I can't actually ignore it this time. That is the scary part, and it is the thing that is the hardest for me. (For more on this - check out an awesome book <i><a href="http://drgabormate.com/writings/books/when-the-body-says-no/" target="_blank">When the Body Says No</a>, </i>by Gabor Matè.)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaStzlBmeHnFdRhWcqnb-kRlL6IRm0QSPY1LM_A0nVQ0Ps1pCoYJQUV3AfeJYBqMrFSj2lKXIGcE0Ja6csOJvOnud40G1O_ti4IE3oqJKeYCAh-u2j84azbg-2VkekMTnnoTi2ifjbFL4/s1600/adjust.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaStzlBmeHnFdRhWcqnb-kRlL6IRm0QSPY1LM_A0nVQ0Ps1pCoYJQUV3AfeJYBqMrFSj2lKXIGcE0Ja6csOJvOnud40G1O_ti4IE3oqJKeYCAh-u2j84azbg-2VkekMTnnoTi2ifjbFL4/s320/adjust.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So I am adjusting. It's a slow process, and it is a bit of a two steps forward, one step back kinda thing. I will get there, I just need to remember to listen to my body and open my mind to a new way of doing - or more appropriately, a new way of <i>being. </i>The winds are blowing - time to adjust the sails.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-57882995915184295442013-03-30T21:29:00.000-07:002013-03-30T21:29:12.242-07:00Happy Easter. . .Happy Easter! Or perhaps I should say "inappropriately Happy Easter!! Lately, I've taken to being "inappropriately happy". I didn't even know you could be inappropriately happy - at least not until I looked up the <a href="http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginfo/meds/a601102.html#side-effects">side effects for the new medication</a> I am on for the as yet undecided typed of arthritis I have been struggling with. (The current thought is now <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/rheumatoid-arthritis/DS00020">Rheumatoid Arthritis</a>- I see the rheumatologist in a few weeks - I am holding out for a weird virus or temporary something rare - rather than chronic auto immune disease)<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfPxegf29LIx85WzEdse2Pj1c70YHLsH8-IkI8yXBQ2Cj2fhm552SAdVJHjMZQgdztmmuG7lAgq2Umw2YNp4dwlrvPrfG6HmMY3G41AsUq-rR4TZH-vwZ6bLgkcKuhsgBRpVVlkjn2mVM/s1600/inappropriately+happy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfPxegf29LIx85WzEdse2Pj1c70YHLsH8-IkI8yXBQ2Cj2fhm552SAdVJHjMZQgdztmmuG7lAgq2Umw2YNp4dwlrvPrfG6HmMY3G41AsUq-rR4TZH-vwZ6bLgkcKuhsgBRpVVlkjn2mVM/s1600/inappropriately+happy.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Let's ponder that for a moment, shall we. . . I feel like complete crap-joint pain, swelling, stiffness, fatigue beyond belief - and then I start a new medication that makes me feel, well, HUMAN, for the first time in weeks, and apparently I should be aware - <i> I can become inappropriately happy, as a result of taking this drug! </i>Thank you Captain Obvious! This is not the side effect I am worried about, but good to let me know. Just in case I need to dial down the happiness if it gets really out of control.<br />
<br />
I am feeling better, I know it's somewhat temporary due primarily to the <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/drug-information/DR603543">prednisone</a> I am taking. That sh*t is powerful - and also destructive. It eats away at bones, impairs sleep, raises blood pressure, and makes you cranky. But, wow - it really works. And at this point, I will take it. Anything to have some semblance of my life back.<br />
<br />
I am (very grudgingly) making some changes in my life. Working less, sleeping more, practicing meditation -emphasis on the practice - "quieting my mind" may just be the hardest thing I am asked to do in a day. I cannot put on a ball glove, which causes me a great deal of grief and sadness, but I am blessed by amazing parents who run my practices, while still allowing me to "motivate" the girls on my team with a few well placed shouts. Running is out, and I am trying to appreciate what walking can do for my body. I am starting some water based exercise next week, and hoping yoga will also become a part of my regular routine. Baby steps, really, since I still am oh-so-tired, nor completely pain free. Life is different.<br />
<br />
I am lucky - I have a great GP now, and a relatively quick referral to a specialist ( nothing to sneeze at in long wait time BC), and incredibly supportive circle of family, friends, church family, and colleagues. That makes this all manageable - this is why I am inappropriately happy - and not miserable, at least most of the time.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWhDJUtg6UalZIqqHTKiG_pVCwozgiDh1ZOTZ9jPPq2f-a2wj2jSLF2LD4SZsRMjT9KfxA65S4z-9bJgPMgrq7CVxhtcGEa6BeXNSvMHnJE9qSzlC5e_w0ZLfyndjkgvCLvKOCJDp4STI/s1600/4_easter_Bilby_0t.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWhDJUtg6UalZIqqHTKiG_pVCwozgiDh1ZOTZ9jPPq2f-a2wj2jSLF2LD4SZsRMjT9KfxA65S4z-9bJgPMgrq7CVxhtcGEa6BeXNSvMHnJE9qSzlC5e_w0ZLfyndjkgvCLvKOCJDp4STI/s320/4_easter_Bilby_0t.jpg" width="241" /></a></div>
<br />
So a very Happy Easter to everyone - it is after all, a time for new life, renewal and hope.<br />
<br />
And I will take that every time.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-25868698085885458682013-03-16T16:26:00.001-07:002013-03-16T16:26:21.302-07:00Winds of ChangeSo, I have been at a loss as to what to blog about over the past while. I am not feeling overly trans-formative at the moment, although there are lots of changes happening in my life.<br />
<br />
As you know from reading my blog, I have been struggling over the past while while with an assortment of aches and pains, and what I thought were overuse injuries from my run/strength training program. Unfortunately, there is more to it than I initially thought, and for me that means some big adjustments ahead.<br />
<br />
It started with joint pain and swelling - ankles, hips, knees - first one, than both sides of my body. Must be too much training, I thought, so I dialed it back a bit, but the pain increased, and moved to my wrists and hands, as well. Morning stiffness, of the kind that means it takes about an hour and a half just to get moving has joined the party, along with an almost overwhelming fatigue. The "I feel like a brand new mom times about 10 000" kind of fatigue. On the plus side (not really, but I need a win) I have lost about 13 pounds over the last few weeks, with no exercise of any kind - for the first time in my life I can honestly say I am not hungry. Now I know something is wrong.<br />
<br />
It seems that I have developed some type of <a href="http://www.showusyourhands.org/resources/">inflammatory arthritis</a>, autoimmune in nature. The initial thinking was reactive arthritis, perhaps in response to an infection. Unfortunately, there is no infection we can identify, and it may be that we are looking at rheumatoid arthritis instead, or another of the over <a href="http://www.arthritis.ca/aboutarthritis">100 types of arthritis </a>that can impact any one of us at any time. I admit - it is pretty overwhelming and scary. I have lots of pain, and the tiredness has really sucked a lot of the fun out of life at the moment. I have cut back on work, running is out of the question - even swimming one lap is out of reach at the moment. Coaching softball is going to require a lot of help and support from my team and their parents - I can't hold or swing a bat properly right now. I am trying to be patient while waiting to see a specialist and figure out what is going on. I can feel the winds of change begin to blow.<br />
<br />
It <u>has</u> meant some difficult changes. I am not super great at taking it easy. I miss running, and working out. The simplest things exhaust me. It sucks. And yet I am deeply aware that there are so many things much worse that I could have to deal with. Finding a balance daily is keeping me mindful - not such a bad thing.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihuDjd0K-e9Oa7Os_h7Q-3bYo1_E-tRFeHnBzRxua8UGZsnzKEzAdOqU_iSrkkSNonUai6jdZh9GpBo_OwpVcFgyOyttCWbxI-Sx32hnLmqt9uGZIzojmUzJR393IPrLrBbh5T6_x4ei0/s1600/winds-of-change.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihuDjd0K-e9Oa7Os_h7Q-3bYo1_E-tRFeHnBzRxua8UGZsnzKEzAdOqU_iSrkkSNonUai6jdZh9GpBo_OwpVcFgyOyttCWbxI-Sx32hnLmqt9uGZIzojmUzJR393IPrLrBbh5T6_x4ei0/s320/winds-of-change.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
So, for now, I don't have a lot of funny adventures from my workout and weight loss world. That will return, when I am just a bit more settled, and know more about what this may mean long term. I am certain it will work out, and that I will find a way to achieve my goals for my health - even if those goals may need just a bit of renovation. <br />
<br />
Stay tuned.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-32983537477178521722013-02-21T15:51:00.000-08:002013-02-21T15:51:52.491-08:00Dig deep. . . I am officially sidelined. Grrrrr. After a plague of minor and not so minor injuries ( sprains, strains, bursitis, plus some arthritis in my hips and knees), it seems that running may not be in my future - at least not the foreseeable future. ( I am still holding out hope that it will be possible at some point - gotta keep the dream alive!) I am also now on crutches, after my doctor lost it and told me that if I don't actually "rest and do nothing" I will be a crippled old woman in a wheelchair at age 55. Thanks Doc. ( She may have been a wee bit annoyed at my lack of compliance!) Needless to say, I am trying very hard to "rest and do nothing".<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiYa7sBEJNNOmfF3XzqAdabygsS0NJARyenTESQFjbYWNcwA2Df8ZxWj1dIpKKgLHtyVOdfz9MBafpDX38-23Pfn9j27zwcN_gNS_cKB_XvQ1M_WDxAUC5bsrRnHhUIRRmcj6WO1EGlEc/s1600/crutches.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiYa7sBEJNNOmfF3XzqAdabygsS0NJARyenTESQFjbYWNcwA2Df8ZxWj1dIpKKgLHtyVOdfz9MBafpDX38-23Pfn9j27zwcN_gNS_cKB_XvQ1M_WDxAUC5bsrRnHhUIRRmcj6WO1EGlEc/s400/crutches.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Crutches suck, by the way.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Despite my joking, I am pretty devastated. It does seem that every time I get to a certain point in my fitness, something happens and I am back to square one, again. For the billionth time. I do not dig this. Not quite sure what lesson it is that I am supposed to be learning from this, but it makes me pretty darn crabby. I am not fun when I am crabby, In fact, I am not fun to be around when I am crabby. (Sorry family and friends.)</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
So once again I feel like I am at a crossroads in terms of this process. Along with not being able to exercise at all ( not even old lady aqua aerobics - sorry to offend any aqua aerobics enthusiasts) until they figure out exactly what is going on, my eating has pretty much devolved into a sugar and saturated fat laced disaster. Oh the predictability of these old patterns - just when I thought I had my sh*t together. A friendly reminder from the universe that I still have a LOT of internal work still to do ( don't we all).</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
So now I need to regroup and come up with a new plan. I am deeply grieving the fact that I won't be running my half marathon. I cannot bring myself to completely let it go as a goal/dream, but it may be that I need to make some difficult decisions about running in the (hopefully not too near) future. Honestly, I can't go there right now. Astonishingly, the thought of giving up running brings me to tears - something I never in my entire life believed would be possible. A sign of some progress, I guess.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
My new plan will likely include walking - and yes walking enthusiasts, I know you think it is amazing - I am not quite so enthusiastic - and possibly swimming. No aqua aerobics. Ever. Seriously. Yes, I am knocking it BEFORE I try it. My doc suggested cycling when I get the green light to exercise. I smiled politely, nodded my head, and thought about stabbing my eyes with a fork. Cycling isn't really my thing (although Freddy Mercury almost had me convinced). Obviously I have a little resistance to trying something new. But i will get over that. I have to.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRGra46lErhiHiOfC8IktTBlSmEFF6jA_OTRNzH85DcpWBe9bu4TdVP7LBBvO4DD57BMmQlEP4Xgtf3_kBmxOWkLpGffTwKgCmN6HAoEwNorXfyI7tIvVWtTIO8KvY36RkENIEVcharQ8/s1600/1bike.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRGra46lErhiHiOfC8IktTBlSmEFF6jA_OTRNzH85DcpWBe9bu4TdVP7LBBvO4DD57BMmQlEP4Xgtf3_kBmxOWkLpGffTwKgCmN6HAoEwNorXfyI7tIvVWtTIO8KvY36RkENIEVcharQ8/s400/1bike.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
As for the eating, I think it's time to put the pity party to bed and stop medicating myself with sugar and fat. And mac and cheese. And ice cream. And potato chips. Did I mention the sugar and fat? time to refocus, and eat to improve my health and speed my healing. Hello again, kale chips.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
It is time to dig deep - to find the motivation I need to stay focused on my long term goal of living a healthy life, even the when things go to hell. I mean really, there are problems in the world a lot worse than me not being able to run a half marathon. But I will need to dig deep within myself to stay focused and motivated over the next while. And that is ok, because it is all part of the process - but no guarantees that I won't be a wee bit crabby along the way. I am good, but not THAT good!</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-69794461012463701082013-02-11T15:07:00.001-08:002013-02-11T15:07:27.198-08:00Let's talk. . . Typically, I try to be somewhat funny and irreverent, and just a little cheeky when I am blogging. It is a fairly honed skill I have developed over the years - a bit of a stereotype, actually. You know, the fat funny girl, the one everyone finds hilarious, the one who often does not ever reveal what is actually going on inside. I like that part of me - it keeps me safe when I don't want to "go there", and plus it is a bit of a bonus that when you are somewhat funny, people like to be around you. And I really like people around me.<br />
<br />
But today I want to be serious. Partly for me, partly for the many, many people who live with mental illness in this country, and around the world. Here in Canada, tomorrow, February 12th is <a href="http://letstalk.bell.ca/en/">"Let's Talk" day</a>, sponsored by Bell. It is a day to talk openly about mental illness, to try to reduce the stigma associated with mental illness, and to assist people to access resources for diagnosis, treatment and support. I think it is a very important initiative, for very personal reasons.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhReAotWhI8QLJUuoBi9106n48LjWz6zFw7O9rzaTHD1x_DqfTU7WI6ibjNIM2ZVJ8E1rOIX8-OAJFaB920RJlY78Q5GYKqpnTCV5DKScoHnRzHlJGLh8T_9YthDxJoOva1mG2Up2o_1pM/s1600/bltd-logo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="95" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhReAotWhI8QLJUuoBi9106n48LjWz6zFw7O9rzaTHD1x_DqfTU7WI6ibjNIM2ZVJ8E1rOIX8-OAJFaB920RJlY78Q5GYKqpnTCV5DKScoHnRzHlJGLh8T_9YthDxJoOva1mG2Up2o_1pM/s320/bltd-logo.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
You see, I have a mental illness. Yup, it's true. The fat, funny gal with the big laugh, and bigger butt. I have lived with depression for many years, beginning when I was first diagnosed in 1st year university, up to today. Almost 30 years. Two thirds of my life.<br />
<br />
Some of you know this about me. Most people don't. There is really no need for me to announce the fact to everyone I meet - "Hi I'm Jacquelin and I live with a mental illness, let's be friends!" But today I want to share this part of who I am, because I believe it is really, really important that we talk about mental illness, that we are honest about our experiences, and that we seek solutions together. It is not the end of the world for me to have depression, but at times in my life it has sure felt like it. I am hoping that by sharing my story, I can break down some of the stigma about who gets a mental illness and what that looks like.<br />
<br />
So what does it mean to live with depression? For me it has meant lots of sadness, lots of dark days, lots of therapy, and lots of love and laughter. Sometimes, life has seemed so dark that I thought I would never survive, I didn't want to. There have been moments of absolute profound joy, like when each of my beautiful children were born. There has been an ocean of tears, hours of talking and thinking and listening with a therapist, and a virtual pharmacy of antidepressants to figure out what would work for me at any given time in my life. It has been incredibly difficult at times, and I have been blessed with family and friends and a partner who have chosen to love me in spite of the challenges that living with a depressed person present. Let's face it - mental illness is not for the faint of heart. Anyone who thinks that it is an "easy" out has absolutely no clue what it means to deal with mental health concerns on a daily basis, year in, year out.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_AM1sXdzAoxh1lWlmOl-lyDFDK03IWP4OxS8gVylfIbsJnHgoZKUPCFkzmSnTKuRg0V7jI-zVWoOeav4iPcFwlfgdWKkCLwNnY5p_BYgVPBvCvAA9gcanT3MI__aCoSSZ4ZyO90zhUsk/s1600/collage_mental_health_awareness_card-p137538491749446553envwi_400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_AM1sXdzAoxh1lWlmOl-lyDFDK03IWP4OxS8gVylfIbsJnHgoZKUPCFkzmSnTKuRg0V7jI-zVWoOeav4iPcFwlfgdWKkCLwNnY5p_BYgVPBvCvAA9gcanT3MI__aCoSSZ4ZyO90zhUsk/s400/collage_mental_health_awareness_card-p137538491749446553envwi_400.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Despite the challenges, I am lucky. I have had access to therapy, and medication when I needed it, and a circle of supportive people who have loved me in spite of how crazy I have felt ( and acted). Sometimes I wish I didn't have to still take anti depressants every day. I sometimes feel like I want to be "normal", whatever that is, and who defines what that is, anyway? But like an insulin dependent diabetic, I have a chemical imbalance in my body that requires me to manage it with medication. It is not an easy way out, or me failing to deal with my problems. It is what helps me to be a healthy mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, worker, and coach. And I am all of those things and much, much more. So much more than a diagnosis.<br />
<br />
So, my secret is out. Never really was a secret, but it wasn't something I felt comfortable sharing widely. But talking about mental illness is the thing that ultimately is going to help me, and many others like me, and their families and friends. Mental illness is not a character flaw, nor is it a disability. It is simply one piece of the complicated puzzle that makes up me. I am ok with that. And I hope you will be, too.<br />
For more information on depression and other mental illnesses, please check out the following links:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://letstalk.bell.ca/en/the-facts">http://letstalk.bell.ca/en/the-facts</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.cmha.ca/">http://www.cmha.ca/</a><br />
<br />
For info about mental health and children and youth:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://keltymentalhealth.ca/">http://keltymentalhealth.ca/</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-5282074434461514422013-01-30T19:03:00.001-08:002013-01-30T19:41:17.040-08:00Oh The Changes I've Made!I am not known for my cooking abilities-in fact it is the complete opposite. I am notorious for my lack of cooking aptitude. I don't dig cooking, I am not really that good at it, and it is a LOT of effort I would rather put elsewhere! ( Like napping, resting, or sleeping!)<br />
<br />
Enter my spouse. In have joked for years that I married him for his cooking-you can probably guess that while I don't love cooking, I really love eating. Mark is a fabulous cook, as our many dinner guests over the years will attest. He makes amazing Indian, Greek and Asian food-which is incredibly tasty - and often not quite as healthy as is required by my current healthy lifestyle! (Sorry, my love!)<br />
<br />
Over the past year I have tried to develop my cooking skills and have managed to develop quite a repertoire of healthy meals. I secretly have started to enjoy cooking (well, not so secretly, now!). Previously, when Mark has had to be at a meeting or out of town, I have relied on chicken fingers and fries, take out pizza, or a trip to McD's. Gross, but true.<br />
<br />
Earlier this week our family was having a discussion about Mark's upcoming trip to the Middle East. It went something like this:<br />
<br />
Ben(my 13 yr old): Who's gonna cook when dad is away?<br />
<br />
Me: I will-unless you are planning to!<br />
<br />
Emily(my 12 year old): You? Oh no!<br />
<br />
Me: Gee thanks Em-what's the problem with me?<br />
<br />
Emily: You are going make us eat healthy (accompanied by major grimace)<br />
<br />
Mark: I cook healthy! (Accompanied by major grimace)<br />
<br />
Emily: But dad, mom is SERIOUSLY healthy-like hardcore. We'll die.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjozqd62bkA5nP1JCDmoP4Jd9zPEKh6BlI59mBHG-nAKvD9wVEt9nRsOmtK8sS8CmBmhMB2LtCKp-_1aGhaDj3vAWAKnvyEfJ8wPrqA3v_J8vQXZ9hX2q5tBV_Di41t3sATMtcF6sNRfh4/s1600/5-Simple-Steps-to-Cook-Healthy-Nutritious-Food.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjozqd62bkA5nP1JCDmoP4Jd9zPEKh6BlI59mBHG-nAKvD9wVEt9nRsOmtK8sS8CmBmhMB2LtCKp-_1aGhaDj3vAWAKnvyEfJ8wPrqA3v_J8vQXZ9hX2q5tBV_Di41t3sATMtcF6sNRfh4/s400/5-Simple-Steps-to-Cook-Healthy-Nutritious-Food.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I almost cried I was so happy!! Seriously- it was worth Mark's annoyance at being the less healthy cook in the house! My kids now see me as hardcore healthy, and that never would have happened a year ago!<br />
<br />
<br />
It reminded me again that change happens over time, and that it often is the little changes made that add up to the bigger shift in lifestyle and perspective.<br />
<br />
So in preparation for being chief cook for a month, I have been scanning healthy cookbooks and websites for new recipes. Something with a little tofu, perhaps, or Chia seeds-after all, I AM hardcore!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSDRw87LaO__5hVXpfSqNPCqe4ZYMFfFLP7us3-nA-g88a1Y2px_jiLAwypLhK8bYFOxnsOmcbfSM1DPARt1YB4fAKRNaqPn41fwEbm6uZjUdYQTjd5dc0TpczI_Bx7wrnCse-nSKX6ug/s1600/woman-cooking-women-at-war-magazine-uk-1942.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSDRw87LaO__5hVXpfSqNPCqe4ZYMFfFLP7us3-nA-g88a1Y2px_jiLAwypLhK8bYFOxnsOmcbfSM1DPARt1YB4fAKRNaqPn41fwEbm6uZjUdYQTjd5dc0TpczI_Bx7wrnCse-nSKX6ug/s400/woman-cooking-women-at-war-magazine-uk-1942.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-63777875835599823202013-01-23T17:39:00.000-08:002013-01-23T17:39:39.054-08:00Let's talk about stretch, baby. . . . So, yoga.<br />
<br />
In an effort to broaden my healthy activity horizons, I decided to try to incorporate some yoga into my workout routine this year. Also, my gym now offers yoga, and I feel like I should take advantage of yoga classes that I don't have to pay extra for. Because I am cheap. That's how I roll.<br />
<br />
So I have been to a few classes now. I have discovered a couple of very important things:<br />
<br />
1) I don't believe I have a body built for yoga.<br />
2) Yoga is WAY more work than it looks.<br />
3) Yoga in a body not meant for yoga is not super relaxing,meditative, or all new age happy. <br />
4) Yoga pants are not for everyone.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQGw79V9FR6lFoTrWchghYe8v6_sH5R-x_ODHHKWDOMMeaUEy8mt36LSMC6jGMjuXhUrBvRzNZ3drjR9j7Kj3F3kp8ZGwy_3qdJd176LtPFMmyn_u4JYGjXKxfUGaMesXhoOIDx_6qKGI/s1600/funny-yoga-pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQGw79V9FR6lFoTrWchghYe8v6_sH5R-x_ODHHKWDOMMeaUEy8mt36LSMC6jGMjuXhUrBvRzNZ3drjR9j7Kj3F3kp8ZGwy_3qdJd176LtPFMmyn_u4JYGjXKxfUGaMesXhoOIDx_6qKGI/s1600/funny-yoga-pic.jpg" /></a></div>
Now many of my friends are yoga-devotees and have been singing its praises to me for years. I think I like the IDEA of doing yoga more than actually DOING yoga. Actually I am like that about a lot of things that turn out to be a lot of effort on my part. I am basically lazy - we have had this discussion before, if you recall.<br />
<br />
So, yoga. I don't care how kind people are, and how accepting - there is just something unnerving about bending over with my my rather large *ss in front of some lovely skinny girl who looks like she is in one of those tampon commercials where you can do "anything". Relax and breathe. Yup - that is so not going to happen. I can't shut off the talk in my brain about how uncomfortable this is, how long will I have to hold this pose, why are there so many freaking mirrors in this room? And the inevitable, do these yoga pants make my butt look fat? (The answer to that one is an unequivocal "YES"!)<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR9RBJnAZLrLUufEcBbeetZ2LQh1X2QZDgf5MUTIZmv2ylXUHCGt4ihAvxV4BOCMf89lHh2qnxb3JVmHFZlDDVCxqjlW3G2T9fA5-S462K-IfJI9WJEfbRG7HgNZ1GP2VkZWEKkP2OGfg/s1600/yoga_funny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR9RBJnAZLrLUufEcBbeetZ2LQh1X2QZDgf5MUTIZmv2ylXUHCGt4ihAvxV4BOCMf89lHh2qnxb3JVmHFZlDDVCxqjlW3G2T9fA5-S462K-IfJI9WJEfbRG7HgNZ1GP2VkZWEKkP2OGfg/s320/yoga_funny.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Why can't I do this? Well, it suddenly occurs to me that I might need more than 5 sessions before <i> </i>I can actually decide that I can't do it. I know, a shocking realization that people devote their entire lives to the practice of yoga and I seem to think I will be super yogi in about 5 min. Patience, grasshopper.<br />
<br />
Hmmm - I feel another life lesson coming on. Maybe it is about the process of quieting my mind and living into the discomfort. Or about actually letting go of the voices that chatter on in my head about what I am not, and how I am not "right" for yoga, or anything else, for that matter. Maybe I actually have to let go of my own ideas about who does yoga and who does not. Maybe I need to suck it up and do the work - spiritually, emotionally, physically. Sigh.<br />
<br />
So, yoga. I think I am going to keep up with it for a while longer, and see where it takes me. I may not be a lulu girl just yet, but I have funny feeling it has something to teach me - even if it is just that giving up won't teach me anything.<br />
<br />
Namaste.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEe-zzC47mNSF7yrxy43cZb7vi4P_WOomYfKgNaygpfFEwtfB3wxWq40KKyOPqGePXoGI1SZKLJxPAFiiYKi31Zm53HFmPxqy72qqZKipQjPwGLW_sn_clfsV5Kn-dvAY14wkKM03JEGo/s1600/fat+girl+yoga.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEe-zzC47mNSF7yrxy43cZb7vi4P_WOomYfKgNaygpfFEwtfB3wxWq40KKyOPqGePXoGI1SZKLJxPAFiiYKi31Zm53HFmPxqy72qqZKipQjPwGLW_sn_clfsV5Kn-dvAY14wkKM03JEGo/s320/fat+girl+yoga.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-87620993263662370572013-01-06T14:32:00.001-08:002013-01-06T14:32:42.336-08:00Moderation<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So, now that the hoopla of Christmas and New Year's is over, the hard work begins. And let's face it, it will definitely be hard work. After the sugar and fat high that was the holiday season ( for me anyway - I am sure none of you ever let anything unhealthy pass your lips ;) ) is over, the reality of what it means to eat healthy and work out regularly has hit. And it's only week one. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Eliminating all that nasty white stuff from my diet ( AGAIN!) has left me a little on the grumpy side ( my family might say a LOT on the grumpy side), and tired, sluggish and headache-y. You know the foods I mean: white b<span style="background-color: #fefefe; color: #333333; line-height: 20px;">read, white rice, potatoes (baked, mashed, fries, chips), pasta, cereal, anything breaded or batter dipped (e.g., fried chicken, shrimp tempura), cereal, and anything made with white flour or sugar.</span><span style="background-color: #fefefe; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"> </span> You know, the yummy stuff that makes you feel all warm and cozy inside - until it burns through your body and makes you crash and start all over again. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmUs_Qf2nVfGx-FB8fTVg0_ZPv1XMWtOcW-5NdvAE20iBTOVnwzQ_zDFGtbYxyHM9StrHGMlYwrV2_4Pfc3xtJWqQts2TH0cZs48ek_KZWMhQtIpEFi-s9pJcu2CntM74JGtpvM07ja1U/s1600/no-to-sugar-and-carbohydrates1-resized-600.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmUs_Qf2nVfGx-FB8fTVg0_ZPv1XMWtOcW-5NdvAE20iBTOVnwzQ_zDFGtbYxyHM9StrHGMlYwrV2_4Pfc3xtJWqQts2TH0cZs48ek_KZWMhQtIpEFi-s9pJcu2CntM74JGtpvM07ja1U/s320/no-to-sugar-and-carbohydrates1-resized-600.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The impact of removing it from my diet should tell me that white carbs and sugar cannot be good for me - so I am glad I am eliminating it. But it sure is tough - and let me hasten to say that I am NOT engaged in a war on carbs - just the white ones! Healthy carbs like veggies, whole grains, legumes and fruit are tasty and nutritious! And they don't give me a sugar hangover.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBKgFZ7x2K5mHEbXrLaTNuLPgUyXcTWfbDg6O4uV8yrSTpOHkRsZEF3bROPzoX9x9Qo1GV3g3tT4Dwfho8jkTxMZvEVcxAnsQr0Eob2vXG4GjNaZLMRg0LLZnoETPI7vKbnEra41hFn38/s1600/healthy+fruits+and+veggies%2521.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBKgFZ7x2K5mHEbXrLaTNuLPgUyXcTWfbDg6O4uV8yrSTpOHkRsZEF3bROPzoX9x9Qo1GV3g3tT4Dwfho8jkTxMZvEVcxAnsQr0Eob2vXG4GjNaZLMRg0LLZnoETPI7vKbnEra41hFn38/s320/healthy+fruits+and+veggies%2521.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Healthy fats are also good - unhealthy transfats and extra added fat that has no nutritional value is on my avoid list.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih6gsS2pdV6SqJNbevqz8yjGkfScwnSuvJzvB65eZuWNikldBoWKC66_MnQ_tPO5SP7RpDKmCPmj2rVCAJV0ioi_0ZFJ51C8SUgNYG7ZidyD79hkWUUH_EUdLseMpQJpar9s1jy0tcOEg/s1600/NME+fats+1+(731x1024).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih6gsS2pdV6SqJNbevqz8yjGkfScwnSuvJzvB65eZuWNikldBoWKC66_MnQ_tPO5SP7RpDKmCPmj2rVCAJV0ioi_0ZFJ51C8SUgNYG7ZidyD79hkWUUH_EUdLseMpQJpar9s1jy0tcOEg/s320/NME+fats+1+(731x1024).jpg" width="228" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I refuse to give up caffeine, but I am down from drinking a pot and a half a day to about three (alright, four) cups ( thank you<a href="http://www.blogger.com/"><span id="goog_1853780192"></span> Keurig<span id="goog_1853780193"></span></a> - and yes, I do have a <a href="http://www.keurig.com/accessories/my-k-cup">reusable filter</a> for my machine, so I don't have to drink the little disposable ones - so don't go all eco crusader on me please - </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">but I do drink the little disposable ones sometimes, ok, a little more frequently than </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">sometimes :S).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNbtU_b9sddnttO7nzyL4E7tbkNElbhs0d56HKem47C6r1Gd4o374FtFIkAwonBGC3ksIbcIkWMSqnd8-kRTcHmRL10WaISSqcFSUD9-1TicXMjADT5aoH_RhY4pBbtygB_kBNIXxXpnk/s1600/coffee+injection.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNbtU_b9sddnttO7nzyL4E7tbkNElbhs0d56HKem47C6r1Gd4o374FtFIkAwonBGC3ksIbcIkWMSqnd8-kRTcHmRL10WaISSqcFSUD9-1TicXMjADT5aoH_RhY4pBbtygB_kBNIXxXpnk/s320/coffee+injection.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Moderation is the key for me this year. I am not really known for my ability to be moderate - ask my husband, or my friends, or anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of one of my impromptu sermons on one social justice issue or another. I am trying to learn.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This has to be sustainable - when I go to the extreme I am not actually being healthy, and I usually end up feeling deprived, and in the case of fitness - injured. So this year, I am aiming for balance. ( I can hardly write that without cracking up - because really, I am as unbalanced as they come!)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am even going to try yoga - balance and moderation, balance and moderation, balance and moderation. . . fake it til I make it, fake it til I make it. . . fake it til I make it!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOyLjIn0OK5XGDmPZXzW6u2KPiw2-qicG3njcgrAM7y4UM6rGphluSQEjnl7ZArKxKBy9sdDbslX0TcOR5is8PF9726xbmCUO7d27gksFK1rTiT_i90I7ASpgz9u9Ggxn6TqCFjgXWAnM/s1600/moderation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOyLjIn0OK5XGDmPZXzW6u2KPiw2-qicG3njcgrAM7y4UM6rGphluSQEjnl7ZArKxKBy9sdDbslX0TcOR5is8PF9726xbmCUO7d27gksFK1rTiT_i90I7ASpgz9u9Ggxn6TqCFjgXWAnM/s640/moderation.jpg" width="435" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-8399899142922515092013-01-01T20:39:00.000-08:002013-01-01T20:39:40.401-08:00Happy, Healthy New Year!What a difference a year makes. 2012 was "my year of transformation". Kinda lofty goal, as I think about it - after all, transformation is a pretty tall order! And as I reflect on the past year, I realize more and more that transformation is a process, a life long process - clearly not something that happens in days, weeks, months or even years. Of course, I actually did know that, at least on a surface level, but I have come to know it on a much more intimate, deep level over the course of the last 12 months.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWSpKNUyFf16eV9r0zQItR8MMxtHrLx6eczTQm1-HO0RsghyphenhyphentFA_7VKmjEJ-VcPSCkcGvNWW76VeQLaUPHEhJhVXRYXMLl594zEpfBGfVG0MpcBqUAM86aASBhv6mfzoUX3kVaniGbcA4/s1600/goodlife+8K.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWSpKNUyFf16eV9r0zQItR8MMxtHrLx6eczTQm1-HO0RsghyphenhyphentFA_7VKmjEJ-VcPSCkcGvNWW76VeQLaUPHEhJhVXRYXMLl594zEpfBGfVG0MpcBqUAM86aASBhv6mfzoUX3kVaniGbcA4/s320/goodlife+8K.jpg" width="240" /></a>Favourite pic from 2012 - I look happy & healthy!!</div>
<br />
One year ago I stepped on the scale and saw the highest number I had ever seen before. 273 pounds. Holy crap - I was the size of a large mule deer ( yes, I looked that up - what can I say - I needed an impressive example of how obese I had become). Obese was a word I had never owned up to, but it was staring me in the mirror and on the scale. I was humiliated, sad, angry and yes, I really hated what I had allowed to happen. I hated my unhealthy life. This is from last January 1st - the weight, the horrifying measurements, and how I really felt about it all. ( if you are offended by, ahem, colourful language - skip the photo!)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhEWxz7okkVbZ3QVPixn967UsIgVKg1JpkmFN2iME5zBPEOMsbvwOs2dYLVDZgVmpAz1bhKLDMcs3XcpQI8Jx8do0XKbFs3SPSNh4FgDIilOEd5vb0JSSnjFi31vRfSQ0ZaYee9M4m8bg/s1600/Saanich-20130101-00426.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhEWxz7okkVbZ3QVPixn967UsIgVKg1JpkmFN2iME5zBPEOMsbvwOs2dYLVDZgVmpAz1bhKLDMcs3XcpQI8Jx8do0XKbFs3SPSNh4FgDIilOEd5vb0JSSnjFi31vRfSQ0ZaYee9M4m8bg/s400/Saanich-20130101-00426.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
<br />
Hurts my heart to see how unhappy I was. And then of course, the ever so flattering before pics:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLe6Voht4Qx53gvGwEsCBqCHhpvcuBGlae5F6jcovxSVDtNjBbddRqSfaVVFPoUWtcKef4WSE8sBDlbVeUL6ShiaYnVil0nA_pEyP9jIOMoJeiNkSmliV8ZGQv76_qmoK7s5zuRvCOJHk/s1600/Need+a+makeover.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmVGt37VV-7KYRlMDVq-HpikUt_RIWTZSYZCslLoS3HpKFwUEStD0gTtg5qfWIWlYolP9MKpLEJ8yy1U4-b6eHFnJ71OBkv3WDOVhD1OlLQjaYalm_kj3xMl8KX24ylUHOKzC7BKy1F_4/s1600/Please+help%2521.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmVGt37VV-7KYRlMDVq-HpikUt_RIWTZSYZCslLoS3HpKFwUEStD0gTtg5qfWIWlYolP9MKpLEJ8yy1U4-b6eHFnJ71OBkv3WDOVhD1OlLQjaYalm_kj3xMl8KX24ylUHOKzC7BKy1F_4/s400/Please+help%2521.JPG" width="195" /></a><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLe6Voht4Qx53gvGwEsCBqCHhpvcuBGlae5F6jcovxSVDtNjBbddRqSfaVVFPoUWtcKef4WSE8sBDlbVeUL6ShiaYnVil0nA_pEyP9jIOMoJeiNkSmliV8ZGQv76_qmoK7s5zuRvCOJHk/s400/Need+a+makeover.JPG" width="202" /></div>
<br />
<br />
I look so damn miserable - felt that way, too. And pretty hopeless, and unhappy, and unhealthy, and ....<br />
<br />
Mostly, I felt defeated. Like it was impossible to change, that I was forever stuck in an unhealthy body with no ability to show the world the person who I can be - the active, happy, satisfied person that I strive to be.<br />
<br />
Let's just say a Happy New Year it was not. <br />
<br />
Luckily for me - an opportunity for change was around the corner.<br />
<br />
Winning the BDHQ Over contest was life changing for me, but the most important changes are not the ones visible from the outside. At the beginning, I envisioned myself at least 100 pounds thinner on January 1st , 2013 ( must have been high on exercise endorphins in that moment!) wearing tight fitting workout gear that revealed my newly toned six pack - and yes I know that is a stretch a B_I_I_I_I_I_I_I_G stretch!<br />
<br />
Well, guess what? I didn't lose 100 lbs, or 80 or even 50. As of today, I am down 39 pounds. Not really impressive, at least not on the surface. But there is more - much more.<br />
<br />
I am also a total of 50 inches smaller than I was one year ago. I have gone from a size 24 to a size 16-18 - and for the first time since my kids were born I can go into a non plus sized store and buy a shirt and it actually fits me.<br />
<br />
I have run a 5K, an 8 K and a 10K, and I am registered to run a half marathon (21.1 K) in June 2013. I can swing a yellow kettlebell and finish Christina's Filthy Fifty and not die. I can squat with the best of them. I have committed to another year of working out with the fabulous peeps at BDHQ. I am fighting my f-ing plank - and this year I will be victorious over it.<br />
<br />
Despite numerous setbacks in my physical, emotional, and personal life, I am still committed to eating healthy and working out. (This my friends, is a minor miracle in itself, as I have never followed through with anything health related in my entire life - when the things get tough I have always just jumped off the wagon and drove to the nearest McDonald's)<br />
<br />
I am mostly happy, and for the first time in a long time I am hopeful. Hopeful that I will continue to change and transform. Hopeful that I can show the world the me under all that unhealthy fat, but never have quite felt the confidence to fully share. Hopeful that I can be the author of my own story and that it has a happy ending.<br />
<br />
I believe I can do this, and I am painfully aware of how much work it will take - and I STILL believe I can do it. I don't believe I will do it in a week, month, or a year. I do believe that this is a journey that I started last year and will continue to be on for the rest of my life. <br />
<br />
I am not the Biggest Loser, or the Biggest Winner. I don't have a six pack - I have stretch marks and extra skin. It is beautiful, because it reminds me I am strong enough to give birth to four babies, and live to tell the tale. I am no longer the Biggest Liar ( to myself - every time I tell myself that I am fat, or ugly or that I can't do this). I like my life and I like me - most of the time - and I am resilient enough to overcome the obstacles that are sure to come my way, as they do for all of us.<br />
<br />
I am proud of my accomplishments this year, and grateful to all the amazing people in my life that have supported me - my family, the awesome staff of BDHQ, my friends near and far - how blessed am I to have such light in my life. Thank you. Your love, support and encouragement have made this possible and I am ever grateful.<br />
<br />
In the next weeks I will have some updated photos - sorry, no boudoir photos - not YET, anyway ;). And I have decided to keep the blog going. It keeps me real, and what else do I have to do??? I hope you will stay tuned for year two of My Year of Transformation - I can't guarantee a six pack, or a 100 pound weight loss, but I promise to be somewhat funny, and sometimes serious, and always as honest as I can be. So Happy, Healthy New Year - for me, and hopefully for you, too.<br />
<br />
Let's inspire each other to be who we really are - for that, my friends, is always enough.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1EfcjC-dNzCxta4njlja58XWP9EkjlVZF5HaeQv7TkWyUqFWVAJhrw9r5Ie3tEdGXd9CJ77MQc8u8mecm0KdWGr2T1Azi_SgfJcRLDJR9dxKHP9CIpku08gS4uIWXs4w8awbeaOrj5LY/s1600/strong+healthy+and+happy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="202" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1EfcjC-dNzCxta4njlja58XWP9EkjlVZF5HaeQv7TkWyUqFWVAJhrw9r5Ie3tEdGXd9CJ77MQc8u8mecm0KdWGr2T1Azi_SgfJcRLDJR9dxKHP9CIpku08gS4uIWXs4w8awbeaOrj5LY/s320/strong+healthy+and+happy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-15560674816629550082012-12-12T23:05:00.003-08:002012-12-12T23:05:53.450-08:00I have changed! Who knew?So here I was thinking that I hadn't really done what I wanted this year, and that I hadn't really changed that much. But I had a little revelation today - a non scale victory, if you like - a moment where I realized just how much I have changed in this, my year of transformation.<br />
<br />
I went with Josh's class to <a href="http://www.saanich.ca/webapp/parks/displaypark.jsp?mapNo=87">Mt Doug Park</a> this morning. It was a great field trip - one of the best I have been on - and believe me, I have been on a LOT of field trips over the years ( you do the math - 4 kids x a lot of school years = a bazillion field trips!). We were learning about First Nations culture and how they utilized the land that is now Mt. Doug. We had a great time hiking and learning and I licked a slug - but that is another story! (I just had to share that special detail!)<br />
<br />
Now it is true that I probably would not have licked a slug in the past - I am getting braver all the time - but that is not the change I noticed. No, the thing I noticed was how easy the hike was, how manageable, how enjoyable. I have always loved the outdoors, and going on little "explores" with my kids, but I never would have signed up for a field trip that was advertised as a "difficult hike". I would have been too scared that I would embarrass my kids by not being able to keep up. You know, the fat mom who is at the back of the pack, huffing and puffing. I have ended up there once or twice, and it was not pretty, let me tell you. Not to mention the sympathetic and slightly bitchy looks of concern from the yummy mummies who are 15 years younger and about 100 pounds lighter. I absolutely hated feeling that I was an embarrassment to my kids.<br />
<br />
Today, however, was different. The hike wasn't really difficult. But we did have to really hoof it in a few places, and even ran for a bit to catch up ( I was in the back with the stragglers!). We climbed a few big hills and I didn't even huff or puff - and there were definitely a few moms ( and a dad!) who did! It was actually a breeze - and most importantly - I felt completely comfortable in my skin. I didn't worry that I wouldn't be able to keep up, or that I would be the fat, sweaty mom at the back. I was one of the fittest parents there.<br />
<br />
I know it shouldn't matter, but it felt good to be in that place today. Comparisons with others are usually not a happy thing for me, so I try (unsuccessfully most of the time) to stay away from them. I usually come up short (insert joke here!)compared to others, especially in the fitness arena. But today I measured up, and it felt really, really good. That is a change - a big change, a positive change, that tells me that I have really improved my fitness, and more importantly, my confidence.<br />
<br />
Now that is a change worth celebrating - maybe I should lick another slug to mark the occasion! <br />
<br />
Or not.<br />
<br />
<br />Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-77796397039911008062012-12-01T23:45:00.002-08:002012-12-01T23:45:44.601-08:00Confessions from the scale - part 3 - (hello disappointment)I've decided the whole public accountability thing sucks. You may have noticed my glaring absence and general lack of enthusiasm over the past few months. To say my enthusiasm has waned is putting it mildly. I have completely lost momentum, and in the process of doing so, gained back 12 pounds. Which makes me cry just acknowledging it publicly. Which is frustrating because I made a deal with myself that I would shed no more tears about my weight - there has been more than enough of THAT over the years.<br />
<br />
But I did promise myself that I would keep it real during this process, so I am. I have gained back a quarter of what I had lost. I am disappointed. In myself, in my lack of commitment and follow through to the folks at <a href="http://www.bdhq.ca/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=110&Itemid=134">BDHQ</a> who have been so supportive. Disappointed in another in what seems at times like an endless stream of failures. It sucks. It sucks alot . More frustrating is that I continue to sabotage myself despite good intentions ( and we all know where those lead us!!)<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwxSE51TSLZiypPhdAurci6EF3y4lfVunxWbMi5RSzI56wb-M_8IsiUbjD2S3Im0I_7KOGprg_mUSGk6MLiBRjX0mell4-gtzgYkg5oCF0kSHTZcfTKJp7lqU0VFpU6D1zJQP1s7IiXZM/s1600/life+require+effort.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwxSE51TSLZiypPhdAurci6EF3y4lfVunxWbMi5RSzI56wb-M_8IsiUbjD2S3Im0I_7KOGprg_mUSGk6MLiBRjX0mell4-gtzgYkg5oCF0kSHTZcfTKJp7lqU0VFpU6D1zJQP1s7IiXZM/s400/life+require+effort.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
I admit to wallowing - in despair, in self pity, in large bowls of chips that seem like such a good idea at the time. I am having trouble shaking it off, and an even harder time finding whatever it is that is in me that can help me out of this place. As mentioned previously - this sucks alot.<br />
<br />
I have the entire month of December off, due largely to a ridiculous amount of overtime accumulated since September ( hmmmm perhaps a correlation here???). This fall has been well, "full" doesn't quite cover it. Hard, difficult, busy, complex, exhilarating, confusing, wildly fun and exciting - you name it, I have ridden that roller coaster this fall. And that has had an impact on my health, on my decision making and on my ability to see a way out of the downward spiral that has been happening for a while.<br />
<br />
I am using a chunk of my time off for renewal. And that means getting back on track with my eating healthy lifestyle and with exercising regularly, and reconnecting with friends and things that make me happy. Like running, and scrapbooking, and drinking no room americanos while reading trashy magazines about celebrities who are even more screwed up than me ( it really makes me feel better - admit it- it makes you feel better, too!) I mean compared to Lindsay Lohan, I am freaking awesome!<br />
<br />
So I will try to blog more, because frankly the public accountability is what has kept me from giving up altogether. I feel like I have let my wonderful supporters down, and yet this has to be only about me. (There's a lesson in there somewhere!)<br />
<br />
December is going to be a fresh start for me - maybe too little, too late, but I don't think so. There is always time for new beginnings, and new directions, and new possibilities. So I am going to jump on that train for a while, and see where it takes me. I hope you will come along for the ride.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNW0RXPa9Bhjmf3rQFhVdVm05VDOQYkm6lXnPybRZCeKSA93jEUi01xz_EL6Bbt6iTcFsY-RylpNjap3uxxfLlVqBcWh1gopD9TC7oW5VNjIZoFuWvgVe4dFugYUmvzLXNlcMoSq4XiSY/s1600/not+who+you+are.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNW0RXPa9Bhjmf3rQFhVdVm05VDOQYkm6lXnPybRZCeKSA93jEUi01xz_EL6Bbt6iTcFsY-RylpNjap3uxxfLlVqBcWh1gopD9TC7oW5VNjIZoFuWvgVe4dFugYUmvzLXNlcMoSq4XiSY/s320/not+who+you+are.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-80735311613696908462012-10-10T10:19:00.001-07:002012-10-10T17:36:16.246-07:00Run, Baby, RunI am sick at home and feeling sorry for myself, which is probably NOT the best time to blog, but I have time and my computer so. . . <br />
<br />
I am suffering from a case of half marathon blues. Sadly, it is not because I ran the half marathon, which was my BHAG - big hairy audacious goal - but because I didn't. Remember my bold announcement back in May? Here is the link if you missed it: <a href="http://myyearoftransformation.blogspot.ca/2012/05/sticks-and-stones.html">Sticks and stones</a><br />
<br />
Fresh off the glow of my 10k, the half seemed possible, easily within reach, actually. It actually turned out to be the start of a B-I-G slide into injuries, poor eating and a ginormous pity party. I hate when that happens.<br />
<br />
Figuring out the long term strategies for staying with my workouts, runs and healthy eating is proving to be a rather large challenge. Not insurmountable, but hard work. Harder than I anticipated, perhaps that is why I have never gotten this far before. Typically I give up after about 2 months - the longest was about 4 months, and God help me if I ever encounter any roadblocks - that is for sure a sign from the universe to give it all up. As mentioned in previous posts - I am shockingly lazy at times, and always up for a good excuse. It's a talent I have.<br />
<br />
I am nine months in and I still haven't given up. That is a good thing. I am finding ways to regroup, and pull myself out of the hole and keep going. Apparently I AM learning how to do this, because that wouldn't have happened before. I would have simply given up and ate myself up another 10 pounds. Another good thing. ( I am starting to sound sound like Martha Stewart - but my good things are actually important!)<br />
<br />
Sunday I ran (I use the term loosely - mostly a very S-L-O-W walk run thing that looks ridiculous but I actually don't give a crap) the 8km race instead of doing the half marathon. I even got a medal:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ1IREjj32qwZgpyLz1enfViB8UgiM7sZ8dmZCgbT1gzWPxnliE1ZLt4hScpwaxt6PuuyAhtZrW24zImPjbi1eIODQHzjjaSOZ5NvEE_Bk4rWfyS4Lh2bDTKetN45d_hlJpLbVUVEn23E/s1600/8km+medal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ1IREjj32qwZgpyLz1enfViB8UgiM7sZ8dmZCgbT1gzWPxnliE1ZLt4hScpwaxt6PuuyAhtZrW24zImPjbi1eIODQHzjjaSOZ5NvEE_Bk4rWfyS4Lh2bDTKetN45d_hlJpLbVUVEn23E/s320/8km+medal.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I am proud of myself for doing the 8km - after all 8km is nothing to sneeze at and even though I was almost the last person in my age category, I still finished it. I didn't just throw in the towel when I couldn't do the half. And I am still working out with the amazing folks at <a href="http://www.bdhq.ca/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=110&Itemid=134">BDHQ</a> - I am getting stronger and healthier each day. <br />
<br />
This is the real transformation - not necessarily the one I was thinking about when I started this journey ( that was more like "I am going to look like Jillian Michaels - perhaps just a tad optimistic!). I am so much more resilient, and able to bounce back, refocus and keep going. Pretty good life skill, even if I have waited til I was 45 ( soon to be 46) to get it.<br />
<br />
Yay me - those half marathon blues are not quite so blue, and I am rebuilding my confidence in my ability to carry through and actually change my SELF, not just my weight.<br />
<br />
Oh and by the way - I signed up for the <a href="http://victoriagoddess.com/">Victoria Goddess Run Half Marathon</a> in June 2013. Sounds like the perfect half marathon for me! ;)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLaJu0Vvokz2lFHz-OsOq4USxKtLhcX8Dpp1O1mJhOY4dxgon9lRT4Cf8VaPG4da_B7LiHM1FDQHyU1JoGvjMoWI1F5rkr1bBVT5quUUmX1vNgWAuVCLt61L1eITAlbGRbnVoKCO8i2jw/s1600/goddess+run.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLaJu0Vvokz2lFHz-OsOq4USxKtLhcX8Dpp1O1mJhOY4dxgon9lRT4Cf8VaPG4da_B7LiHM1FDQHyU1JoGvjMoWI1F5rkr1bBVT5quUUmX1vNgWAuVCLt61L1eITAlbGRbnVoKCO8i2jw/s640/goddess+run.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-68757700099362483732012-10-03T16:33:00.000-07:002012-10-03T21:26:50.723-07:00Hell's BellsSo I have been feeling pretty unsuccessful lately - too much work, too much stress - too many not so fantastic choices. I have been trying to get back on track, but basically spiraling into a grumpy "I suck" kinda space. Not good.<br />
<br />
Today I felt the beginning of a real turnaround - a "maybe I can actually sustain this for longer than I think moment" - all because of what I have privately ( ok, publicly!) referred to for the last 9 months as "Hell's Bell's" - aka kettlebells. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiehF_CNajkRs-iplSQNVXMDZ9sSRtSyjdHOuzMT0XMqI_ZudRfnt7DlU-k5cDropRbE_fX-leVOaweXSZmbqvxrTVTEXr-nz7q664u-yyRaqiX1TuVh0Mv_LJ5IIfu2d6mMOVkDneRTDc/s1600/16kg-yellow-competition-kettlebells.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiehF_CNajkRs-iplSQNVXMDZ9sSRtSyjdHOuzMT0XMqI_ZudRfnt7DlU-k5cDropRbE_fX-leVOaweXSZmbqvxrTVTEXr-nz7q664u-yyRaqiX1TuVh0Mv_LJ5IIfu2d6mMOVkDneRTDc/s320/16kg-yellow-competition-kettlebells.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Don't know what I am talking about? Let me enlighten you. Kettlebells are a special kind of torture used by BDHQ ( and other) trainers to work your abs until they scream and your arms and shoulders til you can't lift them anymore. (For more history than you probably want or need - check out <a href="http://www.kettlebellscience.com/kettlebell-history.html">http://www.kettlebellscience.com/kettlebell-history.html</a>.) They look like something the circus strongman would use - oh wait - they used to -I know I have seen that on Bugs Bunny cartoons!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF6JQg3WlgwEHpJ7GcNoiiBu3FrBFw1jVgap7Yoym0_UfEk40pvKcT-cRb5_i1HcGbO2nTAL0nqMRi2JvG9b6wgWyO6wO_vjSrmt_4HmpeYT5-fGzsUaM3u5C3hEV-sa_uc-2GmukaOZE/s1600/circus+kettlebell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF6JQg3WlgwEHpJ7GcNoiiBu3FrBFw1jVgap7Yoym0_UfEk40pvKcT-cRb5_i1HcGbO2nTAL0nqMRi2JvG9b6wgWyO6wO_vjSrmt_4HmpeYT5-fGzsUaM3u5C3hEV-sa_uc-2GmukaOZE/s320/circus+kettlebell.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I started the year with the pink kettlebell - it weighs 8kg/18 pounds. I found it really challenging - who knew swinging and clean pressing ( I know, it even SOUNDS hardcore) only 18 pounds would be so hard. My arms hurt, I tired easily, and it was work. But I really hated using the pink. It just seemed so, well, girly, which is dumb and also sexist, but hey, just keepin it real! I wanted to use the blue (12kg/26lbs) kettlebell, like some of the other women I had seen at the gym, ones who looked a hell of lot more fit than me. Surely I could swing 26 pounds - it couldn't be that hard, right?</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Wrong. It took me about 6 months to even summon up the courage to TRY the blue bell. It really was a LOT more work. And I couldn't do it consistently - the last set of reps always ended up with me picking up those damn pink bells. I was disappointed in myself, but I couldn't seem to get past that milestone. I made it my goal to use the blue bell consistently, all the time, for all sets, by the end of the year. I figured I had a slight chance of doing that, and at least it wouldn't too disappointing if I didn't succeed.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Today I hit the gym, still feeling discouraged with my progress, with my commitment ( and how it has been faltering), and saw that kettlebells were a big part of the circuit. James ( of <a href="http://yourbdhq.blogspot.ca/2010/11/west-coast-kettlebell-club-comin-to.html">West Coast Kettlebell Club</a> fame!) my amazing trainer had pink and blue and yellow bells out to use.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
In a moment of "screw this, I am going to prove myself today" also known as insanity, i picked up not the pink, and not the blue, but the yellow kettlebell. After all, I could always drop down to the lighter weight if necessary.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
But I surprised myself. And probably James. And I know Lovisa will fall over when she reads this. I used the yellow kettlebell for the entire circuit - every swing, every lift, every row. 3 sets of 20 and 30 and 20. Me! 16kg! 35lbs! The yellow bell! Success! Unbelievable.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOczeM67NZXjDd4NP-34X7F_4cGQ24WNoeVP3tTb_xiK1aXE5XcYcemAv0PtCbqqaQUgD06gPR8ezQUaBR-c2obzdlJyGOPCLrSEfZFs4lLyyeb6e8e69Jg1xuVC69D_R5F44QTqACUyo/s1600/yellowbell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOczeM67NZXjDd4NP-34X7F_4cGQ24WNoeVP3tTb_xiK1aXE5XcYcemAv0PtCbqqaQUgD06gPR8ezQUaBR-c2obzdlJyGOPCLrSEfZFs4lLyyeb6e8e69Jg1xuVC69D_R5F44QTqACUyo/s1600/yellowbell.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
It is amazing how good success feels. And an important reminder to me about why I started this journey in the beginning. It was never about a certain weight, although seeing the numbers go down is great. One of my big goals was to build strength and feel strong. Today I do - actually today I feel like this guy:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt9dv6VVTLa_Umz2M3SGXaLXzjemjIA3S3qnFATUF9uGDRScBi_pAVeMd-iDzmd37QLAFe5sriMetIx_EORPs7yK21yTVN-yKgUqBT0uWC69skub8nMkMNboDIJfGuuRzX1JUIRaJt-Kk/s1600/kettlebell2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt9dv6VVTLa_Umz2M3SGXaLXzjemjIA3S3qnFATUF9uGDRScBi_pAVeMd-iDzmd37QLAFe5sriMetIx_EORPs7yK21yTVN-yKgUqBT0uWC69skub8nMkMNboDIJfGuuRzX1JUIRaJt-Kk/s1600/kettlebell2.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Not quite as buff, but a better fashion sense and a much happier face! Thanks to James for encouraging me to feel and be strong, and for cheering me on and taking a pic of the event! </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I am SO done with pink.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<br />
<br />Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-27961595535072797122012-09-12T15:25:00.001-07:002012-09-12T15:25:13.019-07:00Healthy Lifestyle Most Embarrassing Moments. . . My awesome friend Jan (a crossfit ninja) recently posted this on her Facebook wall:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPlSJca5LXwqY2dG9yVPnsNEM254FuR627sqLfj1jUfKLgHOE2CXlj84LBGfXxyP6Y9ABB9_ZDGJbKH0EZm05_24i3OqsHp2Vby7YL9u_tNX82OtxvIprGcrBWw_p9DiUq0tMxRSygKVo/s1600/funny-picture-how-i-think-i-look-like-while-planking-how-i-truly-look-while-planking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPlSJca5LXwqY2dG9yVPnsNEM254FuR627sqLfj1jUfKLgHOE2CXlj84LBGfXxyP6Y9ABB9_ZDGJbKH0EZm05_24i3OqsHp2Vby7YL9u_tNX82OtxvIprGcrBWw_p9DiUq0tMxRSygKVo/s400/funny-picture-how-i-think-i-look-like-while-planking-how-i-truly-look-while-planking.jpg" width="288" /></a></div>
I howled with laughter when I saw it, but only because I actually have done this - the full on face plant while trying to hold a &*($%# plank for longer than 20 seconds. Not cool. <br />
<br />
This led me to ponder the variety of funny ( now) and embarrassing moments I have had since embarking on my lifestyle change in January. So I give you ( in no particular order) <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> Jacquelin's Healthy Lifestyle Most Embarrassing Moments (so far!):</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
*<em>tripping over the tire when supposed to be moving gracefully over, in and out of it;</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>*tripping while running stairs with 20 bootcampers behind you;</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>*feeling the need to explain to the grocery cashier why you are buying every salad vegetable imaginable, Greek yogurt, and a giant bag of Lay's Potato Chips ( they are for my kids, no really they are!);</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>*buying a bra for running from the lovely guy at the running store ( ummm - so do you have anything bigger? - blush ! )</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>*sweating so much you actually leave butt marks on the floor when you get up from doing crunches (I even took pictures to prove it - no I am not posting them - as if!);</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>*forgetting your work shoes and having to wear your runners to an important meeting with a funder - classy, very classy;</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>*ummmm - how can I be delicate about this- I can't actually, so - "passing wind" while doing any type of ab work in a full class of very cute, young enough to be my son, guys;</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>*forgetting your bra & underwear when you have an important presentation for the United Way right after your workout (thank you Dawn - the Bay does have a great selection of bras and they open at 9:30am!!!!);</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>*spandex. of. any. kind. </em><br />
<em></em><br />
Well, there you have it - some of the most embarrassing moments in my journey so far. Good news is, I survived. I still work out, I still plank on my face a good part of the time, and I have given up being concerned about it. I am doing a good thing for myself, and so a what's a little embarrassment between fitness buddies. ( And strangers. And good looking guys young enough to be my <strike>son </strike>younger <strike>brother </strike>friend ;) !!!!)<br />
<br />
<em></em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em></em><br />Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-83043313911859246252012-09-06T18:53:00.001-07:002012-09-06T18:53:40.700-07:00Workout Ninja in the house!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6251gbMfh1d8L5vYbD9aAaQnyhrduXwGK9uyiROUNMpGTjcGFgyJeHBhV6p0jT0X14aboQOy9s92GbU_njaW1dG_EluuB2BMhveuXp6szD0ee3CKFqFd1WyFPAtRCHmAOMqC6T1InmTU/s1600/back+from+vacation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6251gbMfh1d8L5vYbD9aAaQnyhrduXwGK9uyiROUNMpGTjcGFgyJeHBhV6p0jT0X14aboQOy9s92GbU_njaW1dG_EluuB2BMhveuXp6szD0ee3CKFqFd1WyFPAtRCHmAOMqC6T1InmTU/s320/back+from+vacation.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Surprise! Don't fall over as you read this - I really am back blogging again - thanks to a few gentle reminders from some faithful friends/readers. thank you for your patience during my lapse - I am sure you are all just DYING to hear the latest on my adventures in health and fitness! ( well, maybe not. . . )<br />
<br />
Summer has flown by, in a whirl of, well, little exercise ,sunshine and margaritas in Mexico, and a whole lot of not so healthy food choices and some very lovely Okanagan wines! Staying with my program has proven to be a tough challenge with all of the temptations of summer, but I am happy to report that despite my wandering off the healthy path through July and August, I managed to stay within a few pounds of where I started. No progress to report, but no major damage. I am choosing to see that as progress - and I dare anyone to tell me something different! ;)<br />
<br />
I actually have been pretty frustrated with my lack of progress, despite the fact that the fault lies directly with me and the choices I have made. Annoyingly enough, the scale doesn't seem to move unless I actually eat healthy and get off my ass:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioRJ2Yr-q7xKPlMkAOOqKrUWgwDfCWbbhgYBKN9UUDk4otqD69hcGGYnuRFzms-hmT-YWUtPAJ5nrW07tLy0TFGwJN5XZ2vsuVb7Ku3AEDkdBy9fIX5qeX9nqs_x1Y7pJFZWugTf1snbQ/s1600/weight+loss+secret.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioRJ2Yr-q7xKPlMkAOOqKrUWgwDfCWbbhgYBKN9UUDk4otqD69hcGGYnuRFzms-hmT-YWUtPAJ5nrW07tLy0TFGwJN5XZ2vsuVb7Ku3AEDkdBy9fIX5qeX9nqs_x1Y7pJFZWugTf1snbQ/s320/weight+loss+secret.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
So, I am eating healthy, and back at the gym, ready to thrill you with exciting news from my workout world. Let's start with how much it hurts to get back to working out when you have been a slacker!<br />
<br />
PAIN - thighs, arms, back, shoulders, butt, abs ( didn't even realize I actually had those!). Everything pretty much hurts. Curiously, I am very happy about this! It is great to use those muscles again, and to realize that I actually have muscles - who knew? I think I actually have begun to (gasp) LIKE working out! Shocking I know, and I like to complain about working out even more than the actual working out part ( It makes me feel hardcore!) - but still - I actually like working out. Very cool, people, very cool.<br />
<br />
Cool thing number two - I kicked a 20 year old guy's ass at the gym yesterday! <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6wpwkAAmd0278qgmowkP_qUJp6tDTIlyDJbK-PqfliecN9zIQkAX7RtAyCvt1Bln8PP52Md8trAfPU9dlkESqOuI-DrcBzaM19izDks_ej84cjsJrBEBTcEeyzHPT1j4BRp07VmQvgMQ/s1600/bwahaha.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="308" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6wpwkAAmd0278qgmowkP_qUJp6tDTIlyDJbK-PqfliecN9zIQkAX7RtAyCvt1Bln8PP52Md8trAfPU9dlkESqOuI-DrcBzaM19izDks_ej84cjsJrBEBTcEeyzHPT1j4BRp07VmQvgMQ/s320/bwahaha.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Let's just say, it made my day. Actually it made my week. Possibly my year. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I know it is mean, but it felt so good to be able to not just keep up, but surpass a young guy half my age, who I am pretty sure was thinking, "Oh God, I got the fat suburban housewife as a workout partner!" Pretty sure he won't be thinking that next time. :)</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
A pretty good start, or should I say restart. Thanks for sticking with me, despite my occasional lapses- the next few months are starting to look very interesting, since it appears that I am becoming a workout ninja after all! </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Oh, by the way - I'm planning a Lululemon takeover in the near future, but let's just keep that between us, at least for now. ;)</div>
Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-11276151973938842572012-07-15T12:20:00.003-07:002012-07-15T13:06:54.829-07:00Motivation, where art thou???I am back - no, I really mean it this time. I have been a bit of a blogging slacker, along with a bit of a workout slacker, and a general engaging in life slacker. Not cool, but true.<br />
<br />
This thing about staying motivated over the long haul is that it is kind of a pain in the ass. Actually it is not KIND OF a pain in the ass. It is a gigantic pain in the ass. Imagine expecting me to stick with this not just for a week or two, or a month or six, but well, forever. Surprisingly, this is hard work - even harder now than at the beginning, when I was full of wide eyed wonder and excitement.<br />
<br />
I am down 44 pounds and about 43 inches. The equivalent of your average 6 year old ( 46 pounds and 42 inches tall!) OMG - I 've lost an entire 6 year old child! How the hell did THAT happen?<br />
Some people are starting to really notice, which is good, and weird and embarrassing. Others seem blissfully unaware of the fact that I HAVE LOST THE EQUIVALENT OF A SIX YEAR OLD CHILD! Come on now - that has got to be worth a compliment or two - you know who you are! ( And if you don't, you should - you really should!)<br />
<br />
This love/hate relationship with compliments is just one of the things I am trying to figure out as I learn to live into this new-ish body of mine. This should help me stay motivated, but it really doesn't - I am one of those people that really needs to be internally motivated to get off my butt. Frankly, the feeling unwell thing is getting a little tired, so I need to regroup and refocus on what my goals are and reset my intention to live this lifestyle everyday - even when I am tired, sick or just too darn lazy.<br />
<br />
It is really great to hear compliments ( and thank you - it is very nice of you!), and the fact that people are noticing my weight loss is great, but ultimately, it is up to me to keep this going, and no amount of compliments are going to keep me eating clean and working out. Only I can do that ( which is quite unfortunate, because the other way seems much friendlier, and a LOT less work for me!)<br />
<br />
Tomorrow I leave for a four week vacation - starting with presenting at a <a href="http://www.dona.org/conference2012a/index.php">Doula Conference</a> in Cancun ( can you say holy crap I have to wear a bathing suit in public!), followed by family time in <a href="http://travelalberta.com/">Alberta</a>, leading a mixed media course at <a href="http://www.naramatacentre.net/">Naramata Centre</a>, and more family time in the <a href="http://www.okanagan.com/">Okanagan,</a>.<br />
<br />
It will be busy, but lots of fun and time for learning and reconnecting with family and friends. I will be working out on the road, and posting pics and hopefully videos of my workout adventures as I go - I figure this will keep me somewhat accountable and on track while away. It should be pretty hilarious actually, since I am completely lacking in technical abilities, and I hate seeing myself on film or in photos. (Yes, I know - this is a topic for another blog post, or therapy, or both!)<br />
<br />
So stay tuned - I have another 6 months of this year of transformation - and a lifetime of living healthy. Thanks for sticking with me so far - here's to the next leg of the journey!!!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_NCgrbVQ5jqTMdst9tXCdh6ndE-oRhcLjg8Hmpxw3ZSqlQy98t_xubx1VZ3o7kJU55-Var58oP41CAu2Jj6ZcBGzOWqCGJmdUBUIGgQhKVCOumfrIFLxgpZJVKKLJaTd25Up59CFN1tc/s1600/i+may+not+be+there.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_NCgrbVQ5jqTMdst9tXCdh6ndE-oRhcLjg8Hmpxw3ZSqlQy98t_xubx1VZ3o7kJU55-Var58oP41CAu2Jj6ZcBGzOWqCGJmdUBUIGgQhKVCOumfrIFLxgpZJVKKLJaTd25Up59CFN1tc/s400/i+may+not+be+there.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-39430746096996350282012-06-27T22:35:00.003-07:002012-06-27T22:35:55.435-07:00Back in the land of the living. . .I know, I know - it has been almost a MONTH since my last blog post. I have a good excuse ( or excuses) - really.<br />
<br />
You know when you have these amazing plans and goals and you are super stoked to achieve them? Such a great feeling to have goals and have a plan for reaching them. That is how I was feeling at the beginning of June. What a different a month makes!<br />
<br />
June began with the continutation of a nagging back injury. This sucked, but did not seem insurmountable. This was followed by the discovery of a small, unusual mole on my shoulder, which had to removed and biopsied on really short notice. Fortunately, everything was ok - it turned out to be nothing too serious, and because they were able to remove all of it, I felt truly blessed to have not had to face something much more serious and scary. <br />
<br />
During all of this, I gotta say my motivation was waning - trying to keep up with workouts and my healthy eating plan was really tough. I fell off the wagon, more than once. My self confidence felt like it was at an all time low. I was disappointed in my progress, and really disappointed in myself.<br />
I struggled with quitting - I wanted to - but was scared of dispoointing people, afraid of failing. Not a happy place.<br />
<br />
In the midst of this unhappy place, I developed an infection in my colon, caused by <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/diverticulitis/DS00070">diverticular disease</a>. I hadn't had an attack for two years, and in spite of my healthy lifestyle and high fibre diet, it snuck up on me. Before I knew it, I was hospitalized with iv antibiotics to try to deal with the infection, and major pain killers to control the nasty pain. I had a reaction to the antibiotics and another one was tried. After 5 days in hospital, I was released on a fluid only diet, which hopefully will be done the week.<br />
<br />
It's been a crappy month - literally. I am tired, I don't have much energy, and my transition back to a high fibre, healthy diet full of fruits and vegetables will be a long road. it pretty much made we want to just give in to the emotions, to give in to my desire to just give up on this journey and feel miserable and sorry for myself. I still have those moments, those days.<br />
<br />
I went back to the gym this morning. My trainer James helped ease me back into working out, after what seems like forever. I guess the good thing is that I actually missed working out - my head really wanted to work out, even when I felt my worst. That is defintiely progress.<br />
<br />
The folks at the gym have been awesome - encouraging me and helping me to figure out a new plan, based on where<em> </em>I am at right now. The reality is that sh*t happens - life isn't always easy, and roadblocks will appear. If I want to be successful making changes in the long term, I better learn how to manouver the roadblocks, or this will never be sustainable over the long haul.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNLlK1PsPBJvKrlPrcDysPfHA3WLWBdTyqlJGjr-gvqyhGtq84Tp6TynNdMHXW12I3muIfRQYRW3owTWp-DDRKkOIWU5xDwhYCTLZyuxh8BR1raH6jgRkpkY-CGur9YkZ9GYQ6IRdBdH0/s1600/refuse+to+sink.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNLlK1PsPBJvKrlPrcDysPfHA3WLWBdTyqlJGjr-gvqyhGtq84Tp6TynNdMHXW12I3muIfRQYRW3owTWp-DDRKkOIWU5xDwhYCTLZyuxh8BR1raH6jgRkpkY-CGur9YkZ9GYQ6IRdBdH0/s400/refuse+to+sink.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
So I am still here, a little battered, pretty tired and a little bit scared of what is before me, in terms of following through with my plan and goals given my current situation. There are always people with bigger struggles than me, and I am so lucky to have terrific people at BDHQ, and wonderful families and friends to support me as I continue on.<br />
<br />
I still plan to run my half marathon in the fall - even if I have to walk more than run - I will complete it. And I will figure out how to eat both for the disease and for my health. It is totally doable.<br />
<br />
So that is where I have been for the last month. July has got to be better - and I can`t wait to share all of my adventures with you - and I hope I will be funnier next month - or I won`t have any followers to whine to!Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-32546999614857668722012-05-30T15:09:00.001-07:002012-05-30T15:09:23.246-07:00What scares me. . .So, I am part of a 21 day challenge where I am supposed to do one thing that scares me. I have until next Monday to do it. I have really had a hard time figuring this one out, despite the fact that many things scare me - and on a regular basis. For example:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMGX91AdfAv5XaN0O5Rhc-74hPj08GzNhbOmL3PwtPM4VckbZQAqYYBXKVs6AXFaauNXvuoLD8bkJHcG6SCJs548MSd4MzV8GvixS2WGFNLQKejINBfZD0tLiJd3rOR2a8FbGp5TchMCQ/s1600/great-white-shark-fierce.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMGX91AdfAv5XaN0O5Rhc-74hPj08GzNhbOmL3PwtPM4VckbZQAqYYBXKVs6AXFaauNXvuoLD8bkJHcG6SCJs548MSd4MzV8GvixS2WGFNLQKejINBfZD0tLiJd3rOR2a8FbGp5TchMCQ/s320/great-white-shark-fierce.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
Or this:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoF6iRdHlqHZQoyZQLIqcWVk_ezzC9rzwZfI4yEyuRfDqFMMU32_AcKwsWwwsjwyP9jtAbCaPFmll-fvmXbqYXigUlVe8nwNBHjYjPktDsBCI2L2rNlWeGXiwvUBF33ke9WGchX9eN-Yk/s1600/0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoF6iRdHlqHZQoyZQLIqcWVk_ezzC9rzwZfI4yEyuRfDqFMMU32_AcKwsWwwsjwyP9jtAbCaPFmll-fvmXbqYXigUlVe8nwNBHjYjPktDsBCI2L2rNlWeGXiwvUBF33ke9WGchX9eN-Yk/s320/0.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Or this:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG0jeIgo4huDWMBdL3YwYxH7du7Ux1tVu-BQDNh62E5j5IKB68hxsCZkkY7DIkK_T8GGBFiJ2JIwBgf3GFuVaGjQtiex_wCUyQEYn2LCp9BQndKdv4pa7Skq8UaxcEV4U5iomDB5sxtpI/s1600/300_usweekly_snooki_mh_030712.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG0jeIgo4huDWMBdL3YwYxH7du7Ux1tVu-BQDNh62E5j5IKB68hxsCZkkY7DIkK_T8GGBFiJ2JIwBgf3GFuVaGjQtiex_wCUyQEYn2LCp9BQndKdv4pa7Skq8UaxcEV4U5iomDB5sxtpI/s1600/300_usweekly_snooki_mh_030712.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
I am more scared of Snooki than the shark, by the way.<br />
<br />
Haha - I am an expert at hiding my fears behind a quick joke or smartass comment - the scariest thing of all is to admit how scared I actually am. <br />
<br />
What am I scared of? Now that's a little complicated. I was challenged this week to look at what is stopping me from meeting my goals, from continuing on in my lifestyle change, from putting myself first and really committing to this work. It sucks to be asked the hard questions. I t sucks even more to actually try and answer them in an honest way. But here goes. . . <br />
<br />
I am scared to fail. Really scared. What if I have put this all out there, and at the end of it all I am still the fat, unhealthy and unhappy chub that I was in January. Will people roll their eyes and whisper "I told you so"? Will they nod and say "I figured she couldn't follow through"? What if I do all this and nothing changes? Or worse - what if I do all this and EVERYTHING changes?<br />
<br />
As much as I am scared to fail, I am also scared to succeed! Nuts, right? Why I possibly be scared of succeeding? Well, being fat is a bit of a shield for me - keeps me safe, provides an excuse for a whole lotta things, and provides me with a handy dandy reason for not facing the myriad of issues that I ( and everyone) has - I mean, why not blame it on being fat? Health problems? Too Fat. Not exercising? Too fat. Relationship issues? Too Fat. Crappy day? Must be because I am fat.<br />
<br />
It has been a convenient safety net for a long time, and it has allowed me to avoid some the less pleasant aspects of myself under the guise of - "if I was skinny, I would have a better wardrobe, more money, no parenting struggles, no disagreements with my spouse, a better life!" Sounds a bit like an ad for a weight loss pill or shake, doesn't it? But there is no magic something to help me lose weight, and there is no magic weight that will make my life perfect. Both are unrealistic ideas whose time is past. But I still want to hold on to the fat so I don't have to face those things. Looking that deep is really , really hard. No wonder I am scared to lose weight!<br />
<br />
Fortunately, I am already having to face the hard questions - it is a necessary part of this process. And it is damn scary. I wish it were easy, but nothing worth anything ever is. And doing this in a public way holds me accountable - so being afraid to publicly fail is just part of the deal and I am slowly getting over it and ultimately I will succeed because of that accountability, or maybe in spite of it.<br />
<br />
So back to that 21 day challenge - the one where I have to do something that scares me - I guess I don't really have to think of anything to do now - I think, maybe, I just did it.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdMxJFcN5xMnFEHPkm0niZK7eW7xsRQSoJnkkoUgRHrrtbP2DxWRZYUEe0OV6pEjaHucPU3q1EpkZ4bRc85CJyf-A3ugeMT4eauWmIiCj7EeUyXdG0bnYZpwzal_bjJC8IomTjA5ULmC4/s1600/fear.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdMxJFcN5xMnFEHPkm0niZK7eW7xsRQSoJnkkoUgRHrrtbP2DxWRZYUEe0OV6pEjaHucPU3q1EpkZ4bRc85CJyf-A3ugeMT4eauWmIiCj7EeUyXdG0bnYZpwzal_bjJC8IomTjA5ULmC4/s320/fear.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-34307354517298176252012-05-15T16:58:00.002-07:002012-05-15T16:58:27.832-07:00Inspiration (and new photos)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCDKGa8QnNcJOXjws2vTKuTG6hiX7n4jPRdFeaM9I2wVW71y7svkicvd-w-EX2PYf3hWzEHuH-gUhGD4-9Q0PcL-XaGbZRzG_wO9INQQlEWdRStq6iCZPrLAbpiRJKIQ_enLfN0aoGgrg/s1600/164240717630968159_Lx1ROTwH_c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCDKGa8QnNcJOXjws2vTKuTG6hiX7n4jPRdFeaM9I2wVW71y7svkicvd-w-EX2PYf3hWzEHuH-gUhGD4-9Q0PcL-XaGbZRzG_wO9INQQlEWdRStq6iCZPrLAbpiRJKIQ_enLfN0aoGgrg/s1600/164240717630968159_Lx1ROTwH_c.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
After last week's hurtful comments from the unnamed idiot, I have much support from friends, family and supporters near and far. Thank you. You have no idea how much it means to have the ongoing encouragement and support I have from so many. You keep me going. And keeping going has been tough the last couple of months.<br />
<br />
It's one thing to do this for a short period of time - I have done that MANY times before. That is precisely why I have gained so much weight - yo yo dieting and periodic bouts of exercise do not a fit and healthy woman make. But making the changes to my lifestyle are hard, and difficult to maintain when things get rough, and I hit unexpected obstacles like emotional struggles, illness and injuries. And I have had my fair share of the last two ( and some of the first!) over the past couple of months.<br />
<br />
Stress at work, bronchitis and more recently a back/hip flexor problem that has halted my running plan and forced me to adapt my workouts has made sticking with this whole lifestyle change pretty hard. In fact, I seriously thought about throwing in the towel this week. Lucky for me, inspiration comes in many forms.<br />
<br />
I have some amazing support and encouragement from my friends at <a href="http://www.bdhq.ca/">Body Dynamics Headquarters</a> - the folks who got me into all this! I can't say enough about how great they are. And they put a new photo up at the gym that surprised me - you can check it out <a href="http://www.bdhq.ca/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=60&Itemid=68">HERE,</a> along with some incredible stories from some of the people I have gotten to know - they are truly inspiring! As I train alongside them, I realize that I am not alone on this journey, and I can learn so much from those who have been there - that inspiration has made a huge difference in my attitude and kept me going when I really wanted to quit. ( Also many nagging emails, texts, call and facebook messages - I respond well to threats! )<br />
<br />
And yesterday we were at the Oak Bay High School track for our Monday night workout. We were so lucky to be training alongside some special athletes who were getting ready for Operation Trackshoes - a Special Olympics program for track athletes. Now that is inspiration - here I was, crabby, defeated and complaining about my sore back while these amazing athletes worked their butts off - many with physical challenges, as well as developmental delays. Helped me with some perspective, let me tell you!<br />
<br />
Finally, I have an amazing friend who is going through treatment for brain cancer right now. She epitomizes inspiration - a craniotomy to remove a tumour, now radiation and chemo, and through it all she has remained strong, positive and never fails to send me happy thoughts to encourage me along in MY journey. <a href="http://blog.braintumour.ca/2012/05/debbies-story/">Debbie</a> - you are a freaking rockstar - and you inspire me everyday to get off my ass and live every minute. Thank you.<br />
<br />
So - inspiration IS everywhere - as long as you take the time to look. Thank you to the many who inspire me on my journey. I have posted some new photos on my <a href="http://myyearoftransformation.blogspot.ca/p/my-progress-in-photos.html">progress page</a>. I don't see a huge difference on the outside, but I am definitely changing on the inside - and those are the best changes of all. And that's just a little inspiring.<br />
<br />Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-30386184412304451882012-05-08T16:01:00.000-07:002012-10-10T09:24:28.334-07:00Sticks and Stones . . .Let me start with a warning - I will definitely be using some unkind words in this post. If that offends you, then stop reading right now and go back to Pinterest!<br />
<br />
Someone (who I would love to name because she is a total idiot, and the world should know it) asked me the following question today:<br />
<br />
"Are you disappointed that you haven't lost more weight? - I mean I would have thought you would have lost at least 50 pounds by now - why do you keep doing it when you aren't getting results?"<br />
<br />
Whoosh - the sound of my exhale after basically being hit in the stomach. Thanks so much - your support and encouragement are very much appreciated - NOT! I was actually speechless - and for those of you who know me, you know that this is an occurrence which happens about as frequently as hell freezing over. To my utter disgust, my eyes welled up and I just had to walk away - straight to the washroom to try and pull myself together. All of a sudden I was once again the fat woman in the mirror - out of shape, depressed, and completely lacking in self confidence. The power of hurtful words is incredible.<br />
<br />
How do I respond to a comment like that - loaded as it was with criticism and disrespect? What I wanted to say was: "Are you disappointed that you are still such a bitch? I mean, I would have thought that you would have found some respect and compassion - why do you keep being mean when it does such damage?" But I didn't - the queen of the snappy comeback had no comeback today.<br />
<br />
I have spent a lot of years feeling as though I am not enough - not skinny enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, or sexy enough, or, or, or. . . It is a really miserable place to live and it impacted every area of my life for a good part of my life. I am so happy that I don't live there anymore, that I have moved on from that negative place to a place of confidence and happiness. At least most of the time.<br />
<br />
Am I disappointed I haven't lost at least 50 pounds - well it would be nice, but I didn't put the pounds on in 4 months, so I don't expect to lose them in 4 months. Anything worth doing takes time. And I am mostly happy with my progress - I look and feel a lot different from this crabby person:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEnA_7g7uh3F9XFZ12lVz7mBzmWKD5kjvWhnWvl1s8kIAc02M6e0ziI375imkvb5FbPmSHHP7eAvcGe76LSnr_zr3qpQh60To0lP-iKkiVl4DAci6hNXq0Sp2eCsMNSXwHzGDNilll618/s1600/Please+help%2521.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEnA_7g7uh3F9XFZ12lVz7mBzmWKD5kjvWhnWvl1s8kIAc02M6e0ziI375imkvb5FbPmSHHP7eAvcGe76LSnr_zr3qpQh60To0lP-iKkiVl4DAci6hNXq0Sp2eCsMNSXwHzGDNilll618/s640/Please+help%2521.JPG" width="314" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I have worked out harder than I ever have, I am learning to eat to fuel my body instead of cope with my emotions, and last week I ran a 10K. I wasn't the fastest - but I finished:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Check out the 10K evidence <a href="http://www2.brightroom.com/email/98386/9870/132830696">here</a>!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Two days ago I registered to run a half marathon in October - a HALF MARATHON, people! </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7KrXcj2ayhUtYXA4exp_5uBxNK3pnHWOUzP4u0SEChX3tF_sMGWYr05Zkunfwd_lKto_IFLuG1gDv6WxmyVXjdXYqfysOV4NrXNrQrj0uWsCqgOAO1o7cN2B7GIPdQHkowEsllfkRM1c/s1600/13.1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7KrXcj2ayhUtYXA4exp_5uBxNK3pnHWOUzP4u0SEChX3tF_sMGWYr05Zkunfwd_lKto_IFLuG1gDv6WxmyVXjdXYqfysOV4NrXNrQrj0uWsCqgOAO1o7cN2B7GIPdQHkowEsllfkRM1c/s320/13.1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I never, ever would have believed I would be doing any of this 4 months ago - these are the results that matter to me - and I am damn proud of my "lack of progress".</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
So in answer to the rude question of the day - why do I do this? </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZHIzFwEuPW32GOHOFGjAg7Gu8VPULgxClglvmbx0lE4CcQTvKHH1wa38w7KbfPfbnnhDpU20MAeNR4trpr2faUnYDeVZP1jqXjjSni8vyw0SvwpNlqg8FbwZvpb-tHInU7frhcA0TJmE/s1600/strong+healthy+and+happy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZHIzFwEuPW32GOHOFGjAg7Gu8VPULgxClglvmbx0lE4CcQTvKHH1wa38w7KbfPfbnnhDpU20MAeNR4trpr2faUnYDeVZP1jqXjjSni8vyw0SvwpNlqg8FbwZvpb-tHInU7frhcA0TJmE/s400/strong+healthy+and+happy.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
That's the kinda progress I am talking about. So watch your back, rude person - my legs are strong from kicking so much ass!Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-77575994067923946832012-04-29T16:18:00.001-07:002012-04-29T16:18:46.184-07:00Celebration Time - Come on!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggxToXPAeSoMFf4h4SUFT7E4Hezg3LfguVB8P28FWjbdMvIDJ6Lw2quzKBkV5On-2qvMttT5OVhYmpf-ce0nJgH1R38ik-zJZNeal0Z7ZW96cxkHwhG0Rw5IF-NBewIvl4CfNtsw1HRuQ/s1600/10K+check.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggxToXPAeSoMFf4h4SUFT7E4Hezg3LfguVB8P28FWjbdMvIDJ6Lw2quzKBkV5On-2qvMttT5OVhYmpf-ce0nJgH1R38ik-zJZNeal0Z7ZW96cxkHwhG0Rw5IF-NBewIvl4CfNtsw1HRuQ/s320/10K+check.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Yeah, baby! It's a celebration! I reached not one, but two milestones this week - so after a month of whining and complaining, I have a lot to be grateful for today!<br />
<br />
First - I finally passed the 30 pound milestone - as of this am - I am down 31 pounds. The last 10 have been hard fought - my body is adjusting to the new eating plan and the exercise, so I have to eat smarter and work harder now. And keeping the motivation has been super challenging - because, well, basically I am a lazy butt and would really rather eat chocolate and watch TV. It's the truth - but I am changing and that is something I can feel in myself that cannot be measured by a scale. I bought myself a new pair of pants - size 18 - which while still awfully large to some, is a size I have not worn in a very long time and I am super glad to finally be outta the 20's!!!<br />
<br />
The other milestone was running the TC10K. This was a a big emotional milestone for me - because even though I had run it before, I really, really, deep down want to be a runner - even though I find the training tough and it seems like a really big ass goal.<br />
<br />
I had pretty much given up on the thought of running it, as I had signed up in January and hadn't really done as much run training as I wanted to do. That, coupled with a nasty bout of bronchitis that has knocked me off my feet for two weeks ( I was finally cleared to exercise as of yesterday!) felt like the TC10K just wasn't gonna happen this year for me.<br />
<br />
But with the amazing support from my gang at BDHQ, the best playlist ever courtesy of Hannah Green, and the continual encouragement of the one and only Lovisa, I was able to complete the 10K this morning.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6DODDiX1i5LfvsYXMAZiwQJu2CScWg5E27d7NfzsmXYbK_Hj3ZZ_vB3rBIuhcnBMBWgIf_ZbX37MdXgvYgE9-pZhomuL0moW3q7KxlQZSlm5GGM5lSjmYg9R0kbzuVXrCVRvuj-RFx5U/s1600/9d53779e920b11e1989612313815112c_7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6DODDiX1i5LfvsYXMAZiwQJu2CScWg5E27d7NfzsmXYbK_Hj3ZZ_vB3rBIuhcnBMBWgIf_ZbX37MdXgvYgE9-pZhomuL0moW3q7KxlQZSlm5GGM5lSjmYg9R0kbzuVXrCVRvuj-RFx5U/s320/9d53779e920b11e1989612313815112c_7.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
It wasn't pretty, and it wasn't fast, and I didn't run every step of the way. It went more like this:<br />
<br />
Starting Line: What the hell am I doing here and where is my coffee?<br />
<br />
Kilometer 1: Woohoo - I am rockstar! Look at me BDHQers - I am running the TC10K<br />
<br />
Kilometer 2: I found my groove - I can do this!<br />
<br />
Kilometer 3: Whose idea was this?<br />
<br />
Kilometer 4: I could be sleeping right now, instead of sweating like a pig.<br />
<br />
Kilometer 5: Halfway and I haven't puked - yippee!<br />
<br />
Kilometer 6: Your encouragement is awesome, Lovisa, now please shut up and just let me walk.<br />
<br />
Kilometer 7: View? What view? I am busy dying here, and yes, I know Terry <br />
Fox ran a marathon every day on one leg - I am not Terry Fox I am far too lazy <br />
and self centred and sorry for myself to be Terry Fox. Yes, I see the Terry Fox <br />
memorial. It's awesome, no really, it is.<br />
<br />
Kilometer 8: Just finish. You just have to finish.<br />
<br />
Kilometer 9: I may actually finish. And I am bloody well gonna sprint the last block - it's go <br />
time! Check me out everyone!<br />
<br />
Kilometer 10: Holy crap - I just ran 10K - Woohoo - I am a rockstar - I am awesome - <br />
<br />
I am a runner.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi54x09HvpXiCHCTnw0NReFbjVTrGWnCHPavJKSbz_wAnmEkaPKpIYbxUZgNdwXE9hh4bfiTddtTV1irsTAjpC8g0FRu3OT2acwNdOK-4weQvhu-nKbu_XKKogkps3QkPIu-KCNiEHxT4o/s1600/finish+line.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi54x09HvpXiCHCTnw0NReFbjVTrGWnCHPavJKSbz_wAnmEkaPKpIYbxUZgNdwXE9hh4bfiTddtTV1irsTAjpC8g0FRu3OT2acwNdOK-4weQvhu-nKbu_XKKogkps3QkPIu-KCNiEHxT4o/s400/finish+line.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
<br />
I feel amazing - I never would have believed a few months ago that I would be running again, that I would be minus pounds and inches and plus better health and a renewed sense of of accomplishment and belief in myself. So, yes, I am celebrating - bring on the ice and the Epsom Salts - we got a party going on right here, and it feels great!<br />
<br />Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7231716923754544727.post-83113972254859899882012-04-17T17:03:00.000-07:002012-04-17T17:03:24.804-07:00She's like the wind. . .Or at least a light breeze. I started running again. For realz, as Ben would say. Actual one foot in front of the other, pounding on pavement, wearing tights kinda running. I know - scary!<br />
<br />
It's been a while since I last hit the road. I first started running when we moved here from Alberta. I was still in the honeymoon phase of loving the rainy ( not snowy) winter and figured, why not start running? It helped that I was a stay at home mom to four kids 7 and under and knew almost no one. It was a social thing. A prevent me from becoming a sociopath thing. So I started running by joining a TC10K clinic.<br />
<br />
I discovered I kinda liked the whole running thing. I liked how it made me feel, how I could just think, and run and ache and no one bugged me. I loved how, well, FREE I felt. It was fun. <br />
<br />
So I kept running for about 2 years, until my running partners got pregnant and had kids of their own, and I started working outside the home and we somehow all got busy and stopped running. But I secretly missed it - even as my weight ballooned and the thought of putting on my shoes and hitting the trails seemed like a distant memory.<br />
<br />
I am running again. It's harder this time - I am 8 years older, heavier, and I have a bit of an attitude ( I know - hard to believe, right???!!!) In my head, I am a runner - my body begs to differ.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhusurKNh4N3camZ2fI0tHYXYikQQbCWAlGiqZDJ-pHAUnEADPHPK4KVMhsS7zigRth7DV4WSVKcve2-q-mO8x7WIcBlTG7SJbpEbICjxnw6R6ohlGV_v43xvczzr46NqozPJzRBQOH2tc/s1600/when+I+run.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhusurKNh4N3camZ2fI0tHYXYikQQbCWAlGiqZDJ-pHAUnEADPHPK4KVMhsS7zigRth7DV4WSVKcve2-q-mO8x7WIcBlTG7SJbpEbICjxnw6R6ohlGV_v43xvczzr46NqozPJzRBQOH2tc/s640/when+I+run.jpg" width="491" /></a></div>
<br />
I am pretty sure there is nothing quite so unattractive as an, ahem - "woman of substance" in running tights looking like she is trying to catch up with the ice cream truck that left her behind. Hair wet with sweat ( like a rainstorm that hit only me), red faced and probably about to have a heart attack ( I'm not, really, I am just fine!), jiggling and bouncing along ( yes, I spent the money on a <a href="http://www.enell.com/index.php">big girl bra</a> - Oprah was right - it was worth every penny) I am not as graceful, or as pretty or as powerful as most of the runners out there. And frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.<br />
<br />
When I hit the trail for the first time in a very long time, it felt, well, pretty great. I remembered that sense of freedom and play and joy, and even though my muscles screamed in agony with pretty much every step, I remembered why I liked it. And even when I got home and later in the day could hardly move from the agony of using muscles that hadn't been used in that way for a long time, I still remembered why I like it. My hips hurt, my knees ached, my quads complained - a lot. But it wasn't as bad as when I started before. My fitness <em>has</em> improved - I don't huff and puff as much as I did just a few months ago, and I am recovering pretty quickly - my muscles must be remembering, too. That is a good thing, because I have a feeling they are about to get quite a workout over the next few months.<br />
<br />
I will definitely have a 10K in my future, and I am even looking down the road at, dare I say it out loud - a half marathon. Now that is a scary goal. I have wanted to do one for a really long time, but I never until now believed that it may actually be possible. Now I believe. So I guess it is about time I did it. For realz.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Jacquelinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12283294291613635483noreply@blogger.com2