Thursday, February 21, 2013

Dig deep. . .

I am officially sidelined.  Grrrrr.  After a plague of minor and not so minor injuries ( sprains, strains, bursitis, plus some arthritis in my hips and knees), it seems that running may not be in my future - at least not the foreseeable future.  ( I am still holding out hope that it will be possible at some point - gotta keep the dream alive!)  I am also now on crutches, after my doctor lost it and told me that if I don't actually "rest and do nothing" I will be  a crippled old woman in a wheelchair at age 55.  Thanks Doc.  ( She may have been a wee bit annoyed at my lack of compliance!)  Needless to say, I am trying very hard to "rest and do nothing".

Crutches suck, by the way.

Despite my joking, I am pretty devastated.  It does seem that every time I get to a certain point in my fitness, something happens and I am back to square one, again.  For the billionth time.  I do not dig this.  Not quite sure what lesson it is that I am supposed to be learning from this, but it makes me pretty darn crabby.  I am not fun when I am crabby,  In fact, I am not fun to be around when I am crabby.  (Sorry family and friends.)

So once again I feel like I am at a crossroads in terms of this process.  Along with not being able to exercise at all ( not even old lady aqua aerobics - sorry to offend any aqua aerobics enthusiasts) until they figure out exactly what is going on, my eating has pretty much devolved into a sugar and saturated fat laced disaster.  Oh the predictability of these old patterns - just when I thought I had my sh*t together.  A friendly reminder from the universe that I still have a LOT of internal work still to do ( don't we all).

So now I need to regroup and come up with a new plan.  I am deeply grieving the fact that I won't be running my half marathon.  I cannot bring myself to completely let it go as a goal/dream, but it may be that I need to make some difficult decisions about running in the (hopefully not too near) future.  Honestly, I can't go there right now.  Astonishingly, the thought of giving up running brings me to tears - something I never in my entire life believed would be possible.  A sign of  some progress, I guess.

My new plan will likely include walking - and yes walking enthusiasts, I know you think it is amazing - I am not quite so enthusiastic - and possibly swimming.  No aqua aerobics. Ever. Seriously.  Yes, I am knocking it BEFORE I try it.  My doc suggested cycling when I get the green light to exercise.  I smiled politely, nodded my head, and thought about stabbing my eyes with a fork.  Cycling isn't really my thing (although Freddy Mercury almost had me convinced).  Obviously I have a little resistance to trying something new.  But i will get over that.  I have to.

As for the eating, I think it's time to put the pity party to bed and stop medicating myself with sugar and fat.  And mac and cheese.  And ice cream.  And potato chips.  Did I mention the sugar and fat?  time to refocus, and eat to improve my health and speed my healing.  Hello again, kale chips.

It is time to dig deep - to find the motivation I need to stay focused on my long term goal of  living a healthy life, even the when things go to hell.  I mean really, there are problems in the world a lot worse than me not being able to run a half marathon.  But I will need to dig deep within myself to stay focused and motivated over the next while.  And that is ok, because it is all part of the process - but no guarantees that I won't be a wee bit crabby along the way.  I am good, but not THAT good!


Karen said...

So sorry to hear about your ongoing injuries Jacquelin. I have arthritis in both of my feet. If anything it makes me want to become a runner all the more to prove that I can despite it. I started biking last summer for the first time since I was a tween. I love it! Not one of your hardcore, speedy types. I have a plain white version of the Electra Cruiser in the picture you posted (looks like the Daisy model to me!). Its very old school and I'm slow but with no gears I get a great workout and sweat a lot! Its not quite running but maybe give biking a spin?! Aqua aerobics isn't for everyone but for me, laps of the pool while "jogging" with a float belt on? I feel like I'm running the Boston marathon! :) Take care of yourself my dear; I know its tough.

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