Happy, Healthy New Year!

What a difference a year makes.  2012 was "my year of transformation".  Kinda lofty goal, as I think about it - after all, transformation is a pretty tall order!  And as I reflect on the past year, I realize more and more that transformation is a process, a life long process - clearly not something that happens in days, weeks, months or even years.  Of course, I actually did know that, at least on a surface level, but I have come to know it on a much more intimate, deep level over the course of the last 12 months.

Favourite pic from 2012 - I look happy & healthy!!

One year ago I stepped on the scale and saw the highest number I had ever seen before.  273 pounds.  Holy crap - I was the size of a large mule deer ( yes, I looked that up - what can I say - I needed an impressive example of how obese I had become).  Obese was a word I had never owned up to, but it was staring me in the mirror and on the scale.  I was humiliated, sad, angry and yes, I really hated what I had allowed to happen.  I hated my unhealthy life.  This is from last January 1st - the weight, the horrifying measurements, and how I really felt about it all. ( if you are offended by, ahem, colourful language - skip the photo!)

Hurts my heart to see how unhappy I was.  And then of course, the ever so flattering before pics:

I look so damn miserable - felt that way, too.  And pretty hopeless, and unhappy, and unhealthy, and ....

Mostly, I felt defeated.  Like it was impossible to change, that I was forever stuck in an unhealthy body with no ability to show the world the person who I can be - the active, happy, satisfied person that I strive to be.

Let's just say a Happy New Year it was not.

Luckily for me - an opportunity for change was around the corner.

Winning the BDHQ Over contest was life changing for me, but the most important changes are not the ones visible from the outside.  At the beginning, I envisioned myself at least 100 pounds thinner on January 1st , 2013 ( must have been high on exercise endorphins in that moment!) wearing tight fitting workout gear that revealed my newly toned six pack - and yes I know that is a stretch a B_I_I_I_I_I_I_I_G stretch!

Well, guess what?  I didn't lose 100 lbs, or 80 or even 50.  As of today, I am down 39 pounds.  Not really impressive, at least not on the surface.  But there is more - much more.

I am also a total of 50 inches smaller than I was one year ago.  I have gone from a size 24 to a size 16-18 - and for the first time since my kids were born I can go into a non plus sized store and buy a shirt and it actually fits me.

I have run a 5K, an 8 K and a 10K, and I am registered to run a half marathon (21.1 K) in June 2013.  I can swing a yellow kettlebell and finish Christina's Filthy Fifty and not die.  I can squat with the best of them. I have committed to another year of working out with the fabulous peeps at BDHQ.  I am fighting my f-ing plank - and this year I will be victorious over it.

Despite numerous setbacks in my physical, emotional, and personal life, I am still committed to eating healthy and working out. (This my friends, is a minor miracle in itself, as I have never followed through with anything health related in my entire life - when the things get tough I have always just jumped off the wagon and drove to the nearest McDonald's)

I am mostly happy, and for the first time in a long time I am hopeful.  Hopeful that I will continue to change and transform.  Hopeful that I can show the world the me under all that unhealthy fat, but never have quite felt the confidence to fully share. Hopeful that I can be the author of my own story and that it has a happy ending.

I believe I can do this, and I am painfully aware of how much work it will take - and I STILL believe I can do it.  I don't believe I will do it in a week, month, or a year. I do believe that this is a journey that I started last year and will continue to be on for the rest of my life.

I am not the Biggest Loser, or the Biggest Winner.  I  don't have a six pack - I have stretch marks and extra skin.  It is beautiful, because it reminds me I am strong enough to give birth to four babies, and live to tell the tale.  I am no longer the Biggest Liar ( to myself - every time I tell myself that I am fat, or ugly or that I can't do this).  I like my life and I like me - most of the time - and I am resilient enough to overcome the obstacles that are sure to come my way, as they do for all of us.

I am proud of my accomplishments this year, and grateful to all the amazing people in my life that have supported me - my family, the awesome staff of BDHQ, my friends near and far - how blessed am I to have such light in my life.  Thank you.  Your love, support and encouragement have made this possible and I am ever grateful.

In the next weeks I will have some updated photos  - sorry, no boudoir photos - not YET, anyway  ;).  And I have decided to keep the blog going.  It keeps me real, and what else do I have to do???  I hope you will stay tuned for year two of My Year of Transformation - I can't guarantee a six pack, or a 100 pound weight loss, but I promise to be somewhat funny, and sometimes serious, and always as honest as I can be.  So Happy, Healthy New Year - for me, and hopefully for you, too.

Let's inspire each other to be who we really are - for that, my friends, is always enough.

Healthy Lifestyle Most Embarrassing Moments. . .

My awesome friend Jan (a crossfit ninja) recently posted this on her Facebook wall:

I howled with laughter when I saw it, but only because I actually have done this - the full on face plant while trying to hold a  &*($%#  plank for longer than 20 seconds.  Not cool. 

This led me to ponder the variety of funny ( now) and embarrassing moments I have had since embarking on my lifestyle change in January.  So I give you ( in no particular order) 

         Jacquelin's Healthy Lifestyle Most Embarrassing Moments (so far!):

*tripping over the tire when supposed to be moving gracefully over, in and out of it;

*tripping while running stairs with 20 bootcampers behind you;

*feeling the need to explain to the grocery cashier why you are buying every salad vegetable imaginable, Greek yogurt, and a giant bag of Lay's Potato Chips ( they are for my kids, no really they are!);

*buying a bra for running from the lovely guy at the running store ( ummm - so do you have anything bigger? - blush ! )

*sweating so much you actually leave butt marks on the floor when you get up from doing crunches (I even took pictures to prove it - no I am not posting them - as if!);

*forgetting your work shoes and having to wear your runners to an important meeting with a funder - classy, very classy;

*ummmm - how can I be delicate about this- I can't actually, so - "passing wind" while doing any type of ab work in a full class of very cute,  young enough to be my son, guys;

*forgetting your bra & underwear when you have an important presentation for the United Way right after your workout (thank you Dawn - the Bay does have a great selection of bras and they open at 9:30am!!!!);

*spandex. of. any. kind.

Well, there you have it - some of the most embarrassing moments in my journey so far.  Good news is, I survived.  I still work out, I still plank on my face a good part of the time, and I have given up being concerned about it.  I am doing a good thing for myself, and so a what's a little embarrassment between fitness buddies. ( And strangers.  And good looking guys young enough to be my son  younger brother  friend ;)  !!!!)

Inspiration (and new photos)

After last week's hurtful comments from the unnamed idiot, I have much support from friends, family and supporters near and far.  Thank you.  You have no idea how much it means to have the ongoing encouragement and support I have from so many.  You keep me going.  And keeping going has been tough the last couple of months.

It's one thing to do this for a short period of time - I have done that MANY times before.  That is precisely why I have gained so much weight - yo yo dieting and periodic bouts of exercise do not a fit and healthy woman make.  But making the changes to my lifestyle are hard, and difficult to maintain when things get rough, and I hit unexpected obstacles like emotional struggles, illness and injuries.  And I have had my fair share of the last two ( and some of the first!) over the past couple of months.

Stress at work, bronchitis and more recently a back/hip flexor problem that has halted my running plan and forced me to adapt my workouts has made sticking with this whole lifestyle change pretty hard.  In fact, I seriously thought about throwing in the towel this week.  Lucky for me, inspiration comes in many forms.

I have some amazing support and encouragement from my friends at Body Dynamics Headquarters - the folks who got me into all this!  I can't say enough about how great they are.  And they put a new photo up at the gym that surprised me - you can check it out HERE, along with some incredible stories from some of the people I have gotten to know - they are truly inspiring!  As I train alongside them, I realize that I am not alone on this journey, and I can learn so much from those who have been there - that inspiration has made a huge difference in my attitude and kept me going when I really wanted to quit.  ( Also many nagging emails, texts, call and facebook messages - I respond well to threats! )

And yesterday we were at the Oak Bay High School track for our Monday night workout.  We were so lucky to be training alongside some special athletes who were getting ready for Operation Trackshoes - a Special Olympics program for track athletes.  Now that is inspiration - here I was, crabby, defeated and complaining about my sore back while these amazing athletes worked their butts off  - many with physical challenges, as well as developmental delays.  Helped me with some perspective, let me tell you!

Finally, I have an amazing friend who is going through treatment for brain cancer right now.  She epitomizes inspiration - a craniotomy to remove a tumour, now radiation and chemo, and through it all she has remained strong, positive and never fails to send me happy thoughts to encourage me along in MY journey.  Debbie - you are a freaking rockstar - and you inspire me everyday to get off my ass and live every minute.  Thank you.

So - inspiration IS everywhere - as long as you take the time to look.  Thank you to the many who inspire me on my journey.  I have posted some new photos on my progress page.  I don't see a huge difference on the outside, but I am definitely changing on the inside - and those are the best changes of all.  And that's just a little inspiring.

One more reason

It's almost time.  Fastball time, that is.  I love this time of year, when I gear up to coach a wonderful group of girls that have been a part of my spring for the past seven years.

Being a coach for this group of U16 girls means a lot to me.  They are a huge reason why I wanted to get healthy and make this transformation. As a girl I played fastball, and it was an important part of my athletic life.  I loved the girls on my team, the crack of a bat, crouching behind home plate as a catcher.  It was my first experience as an athlete, and I loved how I felt when I played.

When my oldest daughter Hannah was 8, we enrolled her in fastball and I agreed to be an assistant coach. Somehow along the way I became "Coach J".  Seven years later, I am still coaching most of the same girls, with a few wonderful additions. Last year, coaching was tough - doing the things I needed to do as a coach were becoming increasingly difficult because of my size, and I realized that if I wanted to be a positive role model for this group of exceptional young women, I needed to make a plan to get healthy.

I want these girls to have fun as they play, make good friends and develop their individual skills as ball players.  I also want them to become good team players, fair minded competitors and to develop the confidence needed to take them forward into their adult lives.  Our team motto:  Have Fun, Do  Your Best, and Play Fair are important values that I want them to embrace.  It's pretty hard to be good role model for health and fitness as a lifetime pursuit when you are overweight and out of shape.

I really love this group of girls - they are fun, amazing and inspire me to do my best to help them grow.  I am excited this year that I can share some of what I am learning about health and fitness with them, and show them that change is possible - even for their rather rotund coach. They are one more reason for me to make these changes in my life - I want to be better for them, as well as for myself.

They should, however, be just a tiny bit afraid - I have learned from the best how to work my butt off, and they better be ready for some of the same!  No more slacking during runs - I may just be able to catch at least a few of them!

I can't wait for the season to begin - this year is sure to be our best ever.