Wednesday, December 12, 2012

I have changed! Who knew?

So here I was thinking that I hadn't really done what I wanted this year, and that I hadn't really changed that much.  But I had a little revelation today - a non scale victory, if you like - a moment where I realized just how much I have changed in this, my year of transformation.

I went with Josh's class to Mt Doug Park this morning.  It was a great field trip - one of the best I have been on  - and believe me, I have been on a LOT of field trips over the years ( you do the math - 4 kids x a lot of school years = a bazillion field trips!).  We were learning about First Nations culture and how they utilized the land that is now Mt. Doug.  We had a great time hiking and learning and I licked a slug - but that is another story!  (I just had to share that special detail!)

Now it is true that I probably would not have licked a slug in the past - I am getting braver all the time - but that is not the change I noticed.  No, the thing I noticed was how easy the hike was, how manageable, how enjoyable.  I have always loved the outdoors, and going on little "explores" with my kids, but I never would have signed up for a field trip that was advertised as a "difficult hike".  I would have been too scared that I would embarrass my kids by not being able to keep up.  You know, the fat mom who is at the back of the pack, huffing and puffing.  I have ended up there once or twice, and it was not pretty, let me tell you.  Not to mention the sympathetic and slightly bitchy looks of concern from the yummy mummies who are 15 years younger and about 100 pounds lighter.  I absolutely hated feeling that I was an embarrassment to my kids.

Today, however, was different.  The hike wasn't really difficult.  But we did have to really hoof it in a few places, and even ran for a bit to catch up ( I was in the back with the stragglers!).  We climbed a few big hills and I didn't even huff or puff - and there were definitely a few moms ( and a dad!) who did!  It was actually a breeze - and most importantly - I felt completely comfortable in my skin.  I didn't worry that I wouldn't be able to keep up, or that I would be the fat, sweaty mom at the back.  I was one of the fittest parents there.

I know it shouldn't matter, but it felt good to be in that place today.  Comparisons with others are usually not a happy thing for me, so I try (unsuccessfully most of the time) to stay away from them.  I usually come up short (insert joke here!)compared to others, especially in the fitness arena.  But today I measured up, and it felt really, really good.  That is a change - a big change, a positive change, that tells me that I have really improved my fitness, and more importantly, my confidence.

Now that is a change worth celebrating - maybe I should lick another slug to mark the occasion!

Or not.


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