Confessions from the Scale. . . part 1

Oh the scale!  A frenemy if I have ever had one.  Truthfully - I have a had a love/hate  ( more hate than love) relationship with my scale since I was about 15 years old.  Back then I had a beautiful fit body ( and at 130 pounds, no where near fat!), yet every morning I would weigh myself and then feverishly do the 20 Minute Workout if I had gained a pound.  Now THAT, my friends is what we call a disordered body image.  I have spent most of my adult life being ruled by the scale - my mood determined by what the number was, or was not.  And, as I have gotten heavier and heavier over the years, its become pretty damn depressing to step on it.

But its a new day, thank goodness, and I am determined NOT to be ruled by an annoying electronic beep telling me I am too much or not enough! At least that is my story and I am sticking to it.  Reality is a little more difficult, and as I get close to my first month weigh in at BDHQ ( coming this Friday), I have to admit to feeling that familiar feeling of worry at the thought of stepping on that scale and somehow not being good enough, based on a number.  My first few weeks of weight loss were impressive - they usually are, and now I am back to my "slow and steady wins the race" pace, which, frankly, is a pain in my increasingly fit gluteus maximus ( and please, no comments on the maximus!).  I just really have a hard time with the one or two pounds a week thing.

So today I decided to take a couple of photos to see if I can see any non scale progress since my jump into the wonderful world of fitness. Check it out:

No, the changes aren't huge, but they are changes nonetheless, and changes that may not be reflected on the scale when I step on it this Friday.  So today I am celebrating the progress I can see in these photos and feel in my heart and body.  And that is definitely better than getting on the scale and letting it rule my emotional life. 

So beep away, my frenemy the scale - I am SO not listening.



Is that cake?

I have survived the first month of my "Year of Transformation", and the first three weeks of my BDHQ-Over.  I have lost 16 pounds (WOOHOO!) and learned a few things along the way. 

The biggest thing  is that it is no longer January and I am gonna have to do this for the rest of my life:

Umm - "oh snap" doesn't quite cover it!  January is awesome - new year, new enthusiasm, fresh energy and tons of motivation.  February is, well - not.  At least for me.  It is hard, tiring and a lesson in patience, resistance, will, and just keeping on keeping on.

This journey is about choices more than anything.  The choice to get healthy, to work out, to eat clean, to care for myself and to make some big ass ( literally!) changes.  I get that.  What is becoming clear, however, is that it is really about making those changes, little by little, every day.   About making healthy, positive choices not just once, but every day - all day.  Every thought, every workout, every bite (or not).  It means choosing NOT to eat cake when it looks so damn good, and choosing TO work out when I would really rather be eating that delicious, creamy, oh my gosh it's chocolate, cake.  And sometimes that sucks.  A lot.

This is a long road.  100+ pounds did not land on my body overnight, so I am guessing it will take a while to get rid of it.  And it will take determination and commitment and patience ( and anyone I know will tell you I am definitely more of  a "can I get it done and make it snappy!" kinda gal). 

I know what I am doing is what I need to do, and what I want to do and what I am choosing to do. And I am so lucky to have so many amazing people to help me and to support me and cheer me on.  I will do this, one "oh snap" at a time. But really, I would love it if it were easier.  And tastier.  And less sweaty.  And now it is time for dinner - Oh snap. Is that lasagna?

Oh my aching. . .

EVERYTHING!  Seriously people - there is not a part of my body that is NOT hurting now, or has hurt over the past almost three weeks!  Who knew there were so many muscles in this body of mine?  Pretty sure most of them haven't been used in a very long time!

I was prepared to work hard, to sweat and to "feel the burn".  What I wasn't prepared for was that the "burn" was actually a raging inferno of molten lava that continues to flow even after you have stopped working out.  In fact - it burns more the next day!  I vaguely remember this from exercising in my former life, but honestly, it's like childbirth - you forget after a while and get tricked into doing it again!

My kids think it is hilarious that I come home and moan when I go up and down the stairs ( thanks Christina - the 100 squats we did today feel just great!), or that passing the dinner plate is an Olympic event with forearms that ache hours after my training (my forearms, for goodness sake - who has a pain the forearm???!!!)  I even got a few emails and messages from friends concerned about my general level of health and the fact that all this pain couldn't possibly be good for me ( plus the spin pictures convinced a few members of my family that I was about to have a heart attack at my next class!)

So, in the interests of science ( and too much time spent on the computer ), I did a little research and found that there is even a scientific explanation for this post workout lava flow of fire - Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness. DOMS describes a phenomenon of muscle pain, muscle soreness or muscle stiffness that occurs in the day or two after exercise. This muscle soreness is most frequently felt when you begin a new exercise program, change your exercise routine, or dramatically increase the duration or intensity of your exercise routine. ( do I sound like I know what I am talking about yet? )

Although it can be alarming for new exercisers ( and apparently their friends and family!!!), delayed onset muscle soreness is a normal response to unusual exertion and is part of an adaptation process that leads to greater stamina and strength as the muscles recover and build hypertrophy).  So, all this misery is a normal part of becoming fit - I can see why they don't tell you THAT when you begin!

But really, despite all my complaining, I feel really, really good.  Yes, it hurts.  Yes, there are days when I am so happy to see the bath full of lavender epsom salts that I literally cry with relief when I step in.  But I am so happy to be feeling every muscle from doing something positive for myself, instead of being stiff and sore because I sat on the couch for four hours watching crap and eating other crap.  I actually - wait for it - feel like an athlete - and I take pride in complaining to other people at the gym about what hurts today!! ( Misery really does love company!)

So when you hear my complaining, or whining, or looking like a 90 year old with severe arthritis, please know that my body, and my mind, are just adjusting to this crazy new road of fitness that I am on.  I am really ok, and I am really proud of how I am improving each day.

But still give me sympathy - I really like sympathy.  After all, I did a hundred squats today, and my butt is really, really sore.