Saturday, February 25, 2012

Emotional Eating (aka) OMG I just ate an entire package of cinnamon buns.

This week was hard.  Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically.  Up til now I have managed to negotiate the "bumps" along my transformation journey without too much trouble.  There have been some tough moments, but this week it seemed like it was all tough moments.  And that, my friends, can be a recipe for disaster when you are an emotional eater.  And guess who is an emotional eater??

For many, many years I have eaten whatever pain or loss or angry feeling has come my way.  No wonder I managed to eat myself up to almost 270 pounds.  ( I do believe that anger and sadness weigh much more than fat - I think I should get a research grant to see if this is true!)  I am not really good at dealing with my "difficult" feelings, and am pretty much an expert at hiding them under all these layers of chub.  But now I can't do that anymore - or at least I am trying to choose not to do that any more.  And that is really, really hard.

This week I wasn't very successful.  And it hurts to admit, to put it out there for all to judge. A tough day at work was solved with fish and chips (which made me feel so ill that I was wishing I would throw up and put myself out of my misery!).  Some feelings of sadness were dealt with by a KitKat bar  ( so sweet and artificial tasting that I actually could only eat 3/4 of it - thank heaven for small mercies).  Angry?  Just try several tasty kinds of breads/carb loaded pastries for a quick fix.  I seriously felt like a junkie - eating and then trying to hide and deny to myself that I am not a user ( when in fact I really am a hardcore user of food).  It told me alot about myself that I try not to hear.  I am still an emotional eater, and I need to own it, forgive myself and get on with the business of transforming these unhealthy habits.

I would like to say I am no longer in a funk, but it seems to be hanging on.  Today though, instead of some bad food choices, I chose instead to work out.  I am still craving something nice and white and carbohydrate-ish, but I am going to sing instead (the bass section of my chorus will thank me).  And even though I have screwed up royally this week, I am not going to give up on all the hard work I have put into this journey so far, and use it as the "reason" I cannot be successful.  Because I am always going to have tough days at work, hurts and disappointments, and I know that there are healthier ways of dealing with them that do not include eating myself into a happy little sugar coma.

So I am starting fresh - thank goodness I get a new day every day!  And I feel better already - just sharing the struggle. 

 So, just in case you were thinking I was perfect in every way, I am not.  And that's ok with me.


Annet said...

Oh sister, do I hear you on this!! I've had a tough few weeks too and while I probably didn't emotionally eat, I also didn't focus on moving as much as the past few weeks. But once I did? It helped to start making me feel better, decide things, and learn that I can't do everything. Better to say we get a new day than to just give up and curl up on the couch for the next 6 months. Well done for getting back up!

SusieJ said...

As a fellow emotional eater I know where you're coming from. I too have had a difficult week and have resorted to chocolate...which actually makes me feel ill...I'm determined that this week will be different...for both of us tomorrow is another day and we can start afresh.
Don't give up..we're here for you.
Big hugs xx

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