I'm Expecting!

No, don't get all crazy on me!  I am definitely not expecting a wee bundle of joy and sleep deprivation!

I am, however, expecting results, and soon:

Seriously - this is me.  Anyone who knows me well, or even not all that well, knows that patience is definitely not my groove.  I don't even like waiting for a bus, so the whole "you didn't gain it in a day, so don't expect to lose it in a day" thing isn't really working for me!  And the last few weeks of living in plateau land are, to be less than delicate, really pissing me off.

This is the part of the "weight loss journey" where  I typically:

• get really frustrated (check)
• feel like I am a failure (check)
• start cheating here and there to completely sabotage myself  (halfcheck - oh, alright - check)
• bitch about how impossible it is for me to lose weight ( that would be a double check friends)
• give up entirely, gaining back anything I have lost plus an extra 10 pounds just for fun

You will notice I have not yet checked off the last one.  And I am not planning on it.

I read somewhere recently that weight loss is 80% what you eat, and 20% how you work out.  I think that is crap, actually.  I am learning that weight loss is really 100% mental - how you make your choices and follow through and stick with the program even when you GAINED a frigging half pound last week ( that was me I was talking about, in case you missed the emphasis!)

And it`s about being patient.  I really hate being patient.  I admit it - I want the Biggest Loser result - 5 or 6 pounds a week would be perfectly satisfactory to me, 10 would be ideal. ( And yes, I am obsessed with the Biggest Loser, but that is between me and my therapist)  It is amazing how quickly I can get discouraged, even when I really am seeing results, if I look at the big picture.  It is just hard. Blah.  Hard again.  There is a life lesson in here somewhere - I know it.  I just am not quite ready to embrace it.  But I am working on it.  And really, that is all I can ask of myself.

Oh yeah, and the not cheating thing would be really good, too.  Chicken and salad - I love you - no, really I do.  Really.  Mmmmm.  Can`t wait.  Sigh. 

Here is to a more patient (and accepting) tomorrow.     Filled with chicken and salad.   

It's Clean Up Time!

No, not THAT kind of clean up time - with 4 kids I personally have had enough of Barney to last a lifetime!  But I have been working on cleaning up my diet - eating clean, to be exact.  To be honest, I have been on a bit of a plateau over the past few weeks, which completely sucks, and I have been looking much more closely at my diet to try and figure out where I can tweak things to get losing again.  The exercise part of my program has been going pretty well - give or take a few workouts that almost killed me.  But I really struggle with eating well.  You know, making healthy choices every day, avoiding fast food, eating breakfast.  Sigh.  I LOVE food, and changing my orientation to eating is really a struggle.

I have been focusing on eating "clean", which is not a diet, but rather a way of eating that will be sustainable even after I lose weight.  Which I figure is a good plan, or I am just going to be back in the same place six months after my year is up.  Clean eating is really about  a lifestyle that focuses on eating healthy whole foods and avoiding crap.  Sadly, I love eating crap, so making the transition has been tough!

In a nutshell, eating clean is the practice of eating whole, natural foods such as fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and complex carbohydrates. It also means staying away from the junk that typically makes up the diet of Canadians and our neighbours to the south. ( And forget telling yourself that Americans are much worse - I have seen a lot of overfat people rolling around with me in the Great White North!)  These types of food include human-made sugar, bad fats (hydrogenated, trans-fat), preservatives, white bread, and any other ingredients that are unnecessary. An easy way to remember if a food is clean is: "if a human made it, don't eat it."

A person that eats clean generally practices the following:

• Eliminates refined sugar
• Cooks healthy meals
• Packs healthy meals
• Makes healthy choices when dining out
• Drinks a lot of water
• Eats 5-6 small meals per day
• Eliminates alcoholic beverages (or significantly limits it)
• Always eats breakfast

Sounds deceptively simple, but it is actually tough to break the addiction to processed foods and sugar, unhealthy fats and sodium.  Let's face it people - crap tastes really good.

I am finding it is pretty easy to eat well for a while, but frankly I am easily bored and have a short attention span, so the thought of another breast of chicken and salad makes me want to run screaming from the table.  Not to mention the fact that I HATE cooking and am not very good at it.

So I was chatting with my trainer Wendy today and she had some very helpful advice.  I was complaining about the boredom of eating clean, and she very nicely pointed out that maybe it was time to find excitement and variety in something other than food.  That maybe other things in my life could provide the entertainment that food often has provided.  Hmmmm.  You mean I might be using food as something other than the fuel it is intended to be?  ME???  Really???

I am not denying the pleasure of gathering around a table and enjoying a meal.  But the enjoyment is really in the gathering, and eating clean and healthy never gets in the way of that.  Good food can be healthy food - it just means being a little more creative and a lot less dependent on fat, salt and sugar to make me happy.  Wow.  Who knew that eating your veggies could be so profound?

So I am tweaking my diet - getting rid of some things and increasing some others, and looking for ways to make eating healthy all the time part of my life, rather than a chore to do because I want to lose weight.  Sigh.  To be honest it wounds like a lot of work, like most things worth doing, I guess.

So I might just have to start trading recipes and practicing my clean cooking skills.  Anyone want to get together to share healthy cooking ideas?

BAHAHAHAHHAHAHA - did you really fall for that?? I would rather do Christina's Filthy Fifty!!!

A Biggest Loser moment. . .

Have you ever watched The Biggest Loser?  I watch it ( I can't help myself, and I love/lust after the trainers Bob and Dovett) and pretty much every episode there is some dramatic breakthrough/deep confession/tearful workout meltdown.  I call it a "Biggest Loser Moment" - as in - "oh oh - here comes a Biggest Loser moment - time to get the laundry".  I really hate all that drama - it is just a workout, people, chill for God's sake.

Well, I am eating humble pie today ( but don't worry - it's calorie free!).  I had my own little "Biggest Loser Moment" this morning at the gym.  And yes - it was a big, fat, tearful workout meltdown.

Last week a little list appeared at BDHQ, along with a challenge.  Called Christina's Filthy Fifty ( and that doesn't quite cover it - more like Christina`s Are You Freaking Kidding Me I Will Die Doing That Fifty) it is basically a series of activities that you complete fifty of in the fastest possible time.  I truly LMAO when I saw the challenge - knowing I could NEVER do this, and was very grateful that I didn't have to.

Check it out:

And just in case you cannot read the chalk - this is the list:

50 Box Jumps (Looky here)
50 Kettlebell Swings ( check out how to do them here)
50 Lunges with weight (here )
50 Wall Balls (video here - similar but with a smaller weighted ball)
50 Burpees  (here)
50 Kettlebell Pushpress (here)
50 Hanging Knee Raises (here)  Disclaimer - Mine in no way resembled these!)
50 Pushups ( I am lady - so I did "ladies" - from the knee!)

Christina did this in under 12 minutes - seriously.  When I walked into the gym this morning to find out that this was my workout - I wanted to run the other direction.  I actually felt sick, thinking about all the parts of that that I couldn't do, that were way beyond me - and that I was going to completely embarrass myself.  It was the first time I really wanted to just quit - walk out the door and never come back to the humiliation of trying to get this body to do all the things that it hasn't done in forever, or has never attempted at all.

But Christina was having none of it. A little tough love, and I was starting my filthy fifty.  And filthy it was.  I am not going to lie and say my form was amazing, or that I did every challenge as it was meant to be done.  The Box Jumps were box step ups, I used the lightest (8kg) kettlebell, and my Wall Balls and burpees left a little to be desired in terms of perfect form.  But I did do them - all 50 of them.  And although I was exhausted and stretched to the max, I was actually doing it.  Until it came to the hanging knee raises.  Enter the Biggest Loser Moment.

I hit the wall.  I was so tired, and so sure I couldn't do the damn things.  And I was scared.  Scared of  hanging there, scared of falling, scared of failing.  Once again Christina told me to just do it.  To try.
So I tried.  And oh my gosh it was hard.  The tears fell - I was so frustrated that I couldn't do it, and so afraid of failing that I didn't want to continue to try.  Christina came over and told me to step down.  But I couldn't do it.  I couldn't just finish with tears - not knowing if I could even sort of do it.  So I kept doing it - all 50, with Christina cheering me every minute, every knee raise, every tear.

It was so freaking hard.  And those hanging knee raises? They were nowhere near perfect, or pretty. But I don't care, because today that wasn't really what it was about.  Today was about something actually much bigger for me.

I didn't quit.  I wanted to, more than anything, but when it came down to it, I didn't . I couldn't. 

Today I am a ninja - a Filthy Fifty Ninja - I did the whole damn thing in 21 min and 55 seconds.  And I am really impressed with myself - event though it wasn't perfect and I had to make some modifications.
And I had my Biggest Loser Moment - some tears and a lot of self doubt.  And I don't care - I am sure there will  be a few more before the year is out. And I am ok with that.

The only real downside of today was that that when I had my meltdown I didn't get the requisite "cheer up, you can do this" hug from Bob or Dovett.  Damn.  I think I feel the tears welling up as I write - where are you two when I need you?