Friday, March 2, 2012

A Biggest Loser moment. . .

Have you ever watched The Biggest Loser?  I watch it ( I can't help myself, and I love/lust after the trainers Bob and Dovett) and pretty much every episode there is some dramatic breakthrough/deep confession/tearful workout meltdown.  I call it a "Biggest Loser Moment" - as in - "oh oh - here comes a Biggest Loser moment - time to get the laundry".  I really hate all that drama - it is just a workout, people, chill for God's sake.

Well, I am eating humble pie today ( but don't worry - it's calorie free!).  I had my own little "Biggest Loser Moment" this morning at the gym.  And yes - it was a big, fat, tearful workout meltdown.

Last week a little list appeared at BDHQ, along with a challenge.  Called Christina's Filthy Fifty ( and that doesn't quite cover it - more like Christina`s Are You Freaking Kidding Me I Will Die Doing That Fifty) it is basically a series of activities that you complete fifty of in the fastest possible time.  I truly LMAO when I saw the challenge - knowing I could NEVER do this, and was very grateful that I didn't have to.

Check it out:

And just in case you cannot read the chalk - this is the list:

50 Box Jumps (Looky here)
50 Kettlebell Swings ( check out how to do them here)
50 Lunges with weight (here )
50 Wall Balls (video here - similar but with a smaller weighted ball)
50 Burpees  (here)
50 Kettlebell Pushpress (here)
50 Hanging Knee Raises (here)  Disclaimer - Mine in no way resembled these!)
50 Pushups ( I am lady - so I did "ladies" - from the knee!)

Christina did this in under 12 minutes - seriously.  When I walked into the gym this morning to find out that this was my workout - I wanted to run the other direction.  I actually felt sick, thinking about all the parts of that that I couldn't do, that were way beyond me - and that I was going to completely embarrass myself.  It was the first time I really wanted to just quit - walk out the door and never come back to the humiliation of trying to get this body to do all the things that it hasn't done in forever, or has never attempted at all.

But Christina was having none of it. A little tough love, and I was starting my filthy fifty.  And filthy it was.  I am not going to lie and say my form was amazing, or that I did every challenge as it was meant to be done.  The Box Jumps were box step ups, I used the lightest (8kg) kettlebell, and my Wall Balls and burpees left a little to be desired in terms of perfect form.  But I did do them - all 50 of them.  And although I was exhausted and stretched to the max, I was actually doing it.  Until it came to the hanging knee raises.  Enter the Biggest Loser Moment.

I hit the wall.  I was so tired, and so sure I couldn't do the damn things.  And I was scared.  Scared of  hanging there, scared of falling, scared of failing.  Once again Christina told me to just do it.  To try.
So I tried.  And oh my gosh it was hard.  The tears fell - I was so frustrated that I couldn't do it, and so afraid of failing that I didn't want to continue to try.  Christina came over and told me to step down.  But I couldn't do it.  I couldn't just finish with tears - not knowing if I could even sort of do it.  So I kept doing it - all 50, with Christina cheering me every minute, every knee raise, every tear.

It was so freaking hard.  And those hanging knee raises? They were nowhere near perfect, or pretty. But I don't care, because today that wasn't really what it was about.  Today was about something actually much bigger for me.

I didn't quit.  I wanted to, more than anything, but when it came down to it, I didn't . I couldn't. 

Today I am a ninja - a Filthy Fifty Ninja - I did the whole damn thing in 21 min and 55 seconds.  And I am really impressed with myself - event though it wasn't perfect and I had to make some modifications.
And I had my Biggest Loser Moment - some tears and a lot of self doubt.  And I don't care - I am sure there will  be a few more before the year is out. And I am ok with that.

The only real downside of today was that that when I had my meltdown I didn't get the requisite "cheer up, you can do this" hug from Bob or Dovett.  Damn.  I think I feel the tears welling up as I write - where are you two when I need you?


Cindy said...

nice work on the filthy fifty! we were talking about it one morning at bootcamp and how crazy it sounded...awesome job on getting through it when you wanted to give up!

lana said...

Way to go Jacquelin!

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