Thursday, March 15, 2012

Report Card Day!

Warning:  If you are sick of my crabby, "this is hard" posts and are looking for something a little happier and funnier - this is perhaps the time to go back to Facebook. . . .

Did you ever have the experience as kid when you were stressing out about a looming Report Card Day? As a kid I was a reallygood student, but I STILL felt nervous bringing home that envelope that would let my mom know how I was doing, and either be a source of pride or a source of frustration and disappointment - for both my mom and I.  I generally was an A student, but high school math was a source of constant misery and failure, and I dreaded report card day because I knew it would shine a light on all of the missed questions, assignments that didn't quite get completed beause I didn't ask for help to complete them, and the ( very occasional -wink wink-) skipped class.  By the time the day came around I was a wreck.  I was so glad when the days of report cards were far behind me.

I now have another report card looming before me.  I have completed 8 weeks of my program at BDHQ.  In some ways I can't believe that 8 weeks has gone by - and at other points the days seem to creep by ( this is mostly when I am at a plateau - which frankly feels like most of the last month!)  Last month I lost almost 9 pounds and about 11 inches.  This month I am actually pretty nervous about pulling out the measuring tape and getting on the scale - I don't feel as confident, and I find myself with the same feelings of anxiety and dread that I thought I had left behind in high school.

Surprisingly, I am not perfect - I know, a shock to all.  Over the past month I have made some poor food choices, missed the odd workout, and felt super frustrated with my slowing progress.  The two month report card will definitely reflect every poor choice I have made over the past month.  This sucks.  A lot.  Nothing like being held accountable - especially when I have made it my goal to make sure everybody knows what I am doing, and has great expectations for me.  This is incredibly supportive and amazing - also intimidating and terrifying - I definitely don't want to fail.

So I stepped on the scale this morning -it wasn't an F but it sure wasn't an A - or a B - or even a C.

 I have lost a big 2 pounds this month - bringing my total since starting at BDHQ to almost 11 pounds and my grand total since starting this journey to 23 pounds.  I have lost a few more inches, but it aint dramatic, let me tell you.  I have to admit - I was super disappointed.  Actually, I had a little mini meltdown - all that hard work, all my sweat, the early mornings, saying no to all those delicious things that passed my way ( well, almost all!).  Feeling discouraged doesn't quite cover it.  Crying, miserable, feeling really pitiful almost does.

Apparently, the 8 week mark is when a lot of people who make it past the 2 week mark quit.  (Does that make sense?)  I get this.  The initial "Wow - I am losing weight" has worn off, and the real work of transformation is beginning.  Sticking with it is really tough, especially when the scale is stuck, or progress seems non existent - and making good food choices and working out hard everyday is getting a little tired.  Some great advice from Michele and Dawn really helped today - and so did the support from my workout partners of the day.  I am really lucky to have such a great place to workout and learn how to live a healthy lifestyle.  And to have supportive people around me.

I will take some photos later, when I feel a little more settled, and post them to keep it real.  In the meantime, I found this, which is now posted in a highly visible spot to remind me that this a JOURNEY, and a long one at that.  One step at a time.

And I am leaving the pity party behind!


Karen said...

Its tough when the scale or the mirror doesnt seem to be changing as quickly as we'd like it to but it sounds like you're not wallowing. Good for you. Try to focus on the amazing progress you've made - how much farther you can go, how much faster, the amount of weight you can lift etc. And 23lbs? OMG amazing job!!!

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