Thursday, March 22, 2012

Sometimes, it just ain't pretty. . .

It's so true.  Sometimes it just ain't pretty when I work out.  I just came off 5 days away from the gym and this morning's workout was one of those days when I really, really, really HATE the damn mirrors in the gym. You see, mirrors are awesome for super fit individuals ( you know who you are) to check out their form (which is usually perfect), and see how fit and fabulous they are while working out.  I don't think they  mean to look so ridiculously good - even while working out. It just seems to happen, and when I am in a grumpy mood, well, it kinda pisses me off.  (Envy is such an attractive quality in a chubby gal!)  I know, in my heart of hearts, that they, too, had to work hard for the bodies they have, but it still bugs me. Petty, yes, and dumb, but just tryin' to be real here.
You see, I like to think that I actually look like a shorter ( and ever so slightly! rounder) version of Jillian Michaels when I work out ( except with a much less annoying voice).  It is motivating to see myself as fit, strong and bringing a kick butt attitude to every squat, push up and kettlebell swing.  Most of the time I do an awesome job convincing myself.  Today, however, was not one of those days.

Today when I looked in the mirror, I saw a big, sweaty chick who looked like she was about to expire at any moment.  Stringy hair, sweating excessively (that's the polite word), huffing and puffing through every last minute of each movement like I had never worked out before in my life.  My push ups weren't perfect, the kettlebell swings definitely need work, and the lunges were, well, awkward doesn't really cover it. As I said, pretty it ain't.  ( I love using bad grammar - makes me feel like a real bad ass)

At first I was just annoyed - I mean, really, does it have to look so easy for some, and yet feel so ridiculously difficult for me?  I was all set to spiral down into self pity and general miserable-ness.  I can go there quite quickly when I want to, it seems.  But then I realized that nine weeks ago, I couldn't do one push up, and now I can do many - not perfectly - but they do look like push ups! A lunge was something I did to get to the front of the ice cream line, and a kettlebell - well - that was just weird jock equipment that had nothing to do with me.  Now I can squat, lunge, and swing a bell on a daily basis, and actually like it. I AM stronger, healthier, more fit, and most of all, happier.  Most days I am just fine living in my skin, and I am learning that I don't have to see everything as all or nothing.  I make good choices most of the time, and I am learning to see progress in the little changes I make each day.  This is the real transformation, in my book. 

So even when it ain't pretty, it's still pretty darn good.  I don't need to be Jillian Michaels - I am pretty cool with just being me, even if I am not so hot in the mirror.

And my voice really IS much less annoying than Jillian.  Just sayin'.


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